Lost and Found
by WingsOfEyeliner
Summary: Bella always kept people at arm's length, will meeting a stranger at the beach change everything she thought she knew? *Hiatus*
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is my first attempt at writing a twilight fan fic that I am posting publicly. As much as I am writing for others to enjoy, I am also writing for me. Please let me know what you think and review. I want to thank my beta Eifeltwrfanfic. You rock TS! ;) Katy dazzledbythe Cullens, you're a huge support.**

**Lost & Found ~ Chapter One**

"Please?" he murmured in my ear while he nuzzled my neck.

I moaned in delight which only spurred him on, his lips trailed from my neck to my earlobe. Sucking. Nibbling. Licking. Goosebumps ran from my scalp down to the tips of my toes. He pushed more of his weight on me to illustrate his arousal, although I had felt it long before. One hand pulled the spaghetti strap off my shoulder, his other arm braced himself so his full weight wasn't crushing me.

My fingers found their way into his hair and I pulled him closer. I felt his lips curve into a smile as he continued to seduce me into a stupor. He knew exactly what I liked and how to get me to comply. I wiggled my body against his as my lips let a giggle out.

"Where do you think you're going my BB?" he whispered seductively against my ear. He always called me his beautiful Bella and would abbreviate it at times when his mouth was otherwise occupied.

"Who said I was going anywhere?" I teased as I wiggled against him again. He ghosted his lips across my jaw and continued to kiss his way to my mouth. I opened my eyes and saw all his love, devotion and passion burning in his eyes for me.

I was overwhelmed. How could I see love and lust all at once? How could someone love another as selflessly as he loved me? I now realize that I have always loved him. I didn't recognize it in the beginning, because I wouldn't allow myself too, but I knew now that something was there and always was. He had always been there for me when no one else cared. He never failed me as others had. He loved me for all my faults, my tantrums, my weird ass sense of humor, my moods, and even my crazy family. Nothing scared him.

My mother had remarried when I was 17. When her husband, Phil needed to move to Florida for his job, it was decided I would move to Washington to live with my dad. I didn't mind actually, I never liked Phoenix, the sun, the heat and it wouldn't get any better in Florida. I didn't do bathing suits. Not my scene. I'm pretty fond of my pale skin. So I was happy to move to rainy, droopy Washington. Maybe, since I wasn't accustomed to rain or cooler weather that's why it held my fascination.

I did, however, feel rejection and abandonment from my mom. How could she so easily dispose of me? She was my best friend. Did it not tear her up inside to leave me? To live on the other side of the country? We had gone from seeing each other every day to sending texts every other day, IF that. To add insult to injury, I didn't have a close knit relationship with my dad either, seeing as I spent most of my childhood without him.

After a while I got used to it, although, it still tore me up and it hurt, but I'd decided I wasn't going to dwell on it and let it rule my life. I wanted her to be happy and obviously Phil made her happy. So I held it all in. I didn't want my dad to know how much it bothered me, I didn't want him to worry, or worse, call my mom. My dad and I weren't exactly the talk and share type anyway. We tended to bury our feelings. He did try to make me comfortable while I lived with him that short period of time.

From that moment on I kept my guard up, my walls stayed firmly in place. If my own mother didn't want me around, why would anyone else? Don't get me wrong, I knew she loved me and would never intentionally hurt me, but she did. I guess she was never the motherly type.

Therefore, I never let anyone close to me. I had friends, Paul, Embry, Emily and Jake, who lived near La Push beach, but I kept them at arm's length no matter how hard they tried to break my walls down. I was convinced that if I let anyone in, if I got attached, they'd desert me too.

Until I met Carlisle.

Every now and then when we'd lay in bed, just before falling asleep, he'd tell me his story of how he first saw me and fell in love with me. He spoke frequently about when he saw me for the first time, time stood still, how everything hazed over except my form which stood before him crystal clear. I always laughed at him but he swore it was true.

That fateful day we met I had gone to La Push to visit the gang, but of course the boys had gone surfing while Emily went searching for seashells to add to her collection. As usual, I had brought my old 35mm camera and decided to take some scenic shots. The beach was never very crowed and even if it was, I loved to people watch and take candid's.

Even though there wasn't a lot of sun, the cloudy, misty days made for great shots. The waves crashing against the sand, the moss encasing the rocks, and the old tree trunks perched on the beach as though they were makeshift benches. Sometimes I would hike up to the cliff's edge and take pictures of the scene below. Those were always my favorites. Some days the boys would even cliff dive. Those pictures always came out beautifully. I would take shots from the top of the cliff, standing behind them as they jumped or from the beach down below capturing them as they came flying toward the waves and splashing into the ocean. The day I met Carlisle I never thought much of it. Not then at least.

He had his dog, Ciaus running the beach. I had never been bothered by anyone on the beach before and in return I'd never bothered anyone either until Ciaus trampled me. He didn't hurt me, only startled me, licked me, and even drooled on me.

Per Carlisle's story, he said that he noticed me the first moment he'd stepped onto the beach, but was too nervous to approach me. He had been content to watch me bite my lip, deep in concentration, while taking pictures. He threw an old, washed up stick to Ciaus to play catch with and must have misjudged his throw because Ciaus and I collided. Carlisle and I spoke a little that day but I was my usual self and was extremely cautious.

It wasn't until a few weeks later when we kept 'bumping' into each other that we exchanged phone numbers. We called, and texted each other frequently. Carlisle hinted regularly at the two of us getting together for coffee in Port Angeles or even at the little hole on the wall diner my dad liked to frequent. For a while I managed to dodge the conversation when he brought it up, but eventually I agreed.

A little over two years later we had moved in together. I never had anyone stick by me the way he did. He knew everything about me. He knew about the strained relationship with my dad, my mom and how she made me feel insecure when I'd gone to live with my dad. He knew all my issues and all my hurt. He knew how I kept myself distant from others, exactly like I had tried to do with him when we first met. I was grateful that he had persisted and got through my tough exterior.

He encouraged me to be more open and let others in. Not just with him, but with Paul, Embry, Emily and Jake, my dad and even my mom. I wasn't over my hurt by any means, but I wasn't secretly holding a grudge and letting it eat away at me from the inside. I eventually began talking to mom every couple of days, we even designated one night a week to have dinner with my dad and one night a weekend we hung out with the gang. We would bowl, play pool, see a movie, go dancing or have a small party with a few other friends.

Life was good.

I blinked and a single tear rolled down the side of my face as Carlisle's greenish gray eyes bore into mine. My hand came around behind his head to caress his cheek. "I'm not going anywhere, CC."

I had taken to calling him my Prince Charming. His last name was Cullen, so CC seemed fitting as his nickname.

I admit to copying him seeing as he called me BB.

His lips ghosted mine, so close that I could feel the warmth of them and his breath enveloping me. It was dizzying. I wondered if I would ever become immune to his charming and dazzling ways. All it took was a smile, a wink, a small and brief chaste kiss and I was his all over again. Would my heart always threaten to beat out of my chest when he was near? Would my pulse race when I heard his voice? Would the goofiest smile always plaster my face when I saw him walk into a room? Yes. For that I was sure.

"Good," His lips covered mine in a soft yet passionate kiss, "I can't do it without you," he murmured as he kissed me again, his eyes telling me everything I needed to know. "I refuse to do this without you," he whispered.

I tilted my head in his direction, bringing me closer to his lips until they met. His warm tongue peeked out to seek permission to enter my mouth, like he needed to ask. I let him in and invaded his mouth with my tongue. It was a sensually slow heated kiss.

Carlisle moved his hand from my bared shoulder to take my left hand from his cheek. He held onto it, linking our fingers before he kissed my ring finger. There wasn't a sound in our bedroom except our heavy breathing and I am almost positive our heartbeats were frantically in sync.

"Please, BB." His eyes softened. "Marry me."

My eyes snapped open as the alarm clock blared that horrific sound telling me it was much too early in the morning, seven o'clock to be precise. I threw my left hand towards the damn alarm and slapped it until it shut off. Yes! That's better. The sunlight filtered in through an open sliver of my heavy curtains and bounced a sparkle off of the engagement ring on my finger. I hadn't taken it off since Carlisle put it on the night he had asked me to marry him. I still felt guilty I hadn't given it back to him when I left, but I needed it to feel closer to him. I needed to keep something that reminded me of the best thing I ever had.

Although, every night since I'd left, I dreamed of him. I remembered every moment we shared together, the good, the bad. In all reality, I didn't need the ring to make me feel connected to him; I would always feel that connection. I guess I hoped that someday I would be able to take the ring off and mail it back to him. However, today was definitely not that day. I brought the ring to my lips and held it there, like it would be a replacement for Carlisle's lips. Hardly.

Oddly enough though, it did calm me. It even comforted me. I sighed heavily and sat up. I had never been a morning person, but today seemed worse. I had worked until two that morning and had not been able to sleep all that well. I had tossed and turned, thinking of Carlisle more often than I usually do. When I did manage to sleep, my dreams were filled of him. I always had him on my mind. There wasn't an hour he wasn't at the forefront of my thoughts, but the last few days had been the worst.

I rubbed the palms of my hands on my face to help wake me, before I dragged myself to the bathroom and did my morning ritual. I had just gotten my hair up in a messy bun and was brushing my teeth – I'd decided to take a shower after I got back – when my cell phone rang from my bedside table.

I spit in the sink and ran from the bathroom, slamming into the wall on the way to the bedroom. "Ugh." I rubbed my shoulder and grabbed my cell phone. Mike. No. No. NO.

I took a deep breath and answered, "Morning Mike." I sighed.

"Bella! Hey, I know you worked late last night and I was hoping to leave a voice mail so I wouldn't wake you..." I walked back to the bathroom to put my toothbrush away.

"What's up Mike?" _Come on man, get to the point_, I thought to myself as I propped the phone between my ear and shoulder so I could have my hands free to put on some lotion. I had less than an hour before I was supposed to be at the park.

"Couldyouworktonight,Bella?" Mike said it so quickly that I almost couldn't make it out. I closed my eyes in disgust.

When I'd moved from Washington to Chicago three months ago, I'd left my freelance photography job and all my contacts. I needed something quick to get the money coming in. I always passed this restaurant/club when I was coming home and noticed the 'Help Wanted' sign.

Breaking Dawn was a new up and coming restaurant/club. It consisted of three levels. The bottom level had a stage where different local bands and DJs preformed nightly. A bar sat in the middle of the first floor with a dance floor surrounding it and a stage. There were two sets of winding staircases on each side leading to the second and third floors where the dining areas were for the restaurant.

I was a hostess/waitress and made damn good money in tips. I'm sure the skimpy outfits helped. It wasn't the dream job I thought I would have. I'd made some good friends the little time I'd been there, but I missed my old life. I missed my photography job. I missed my old friends. I missed Washington. I missed the ocean, the beach and the rain. Most of all, I missed Carlisle.

I sighed and leaned my hip against the bathroom counter. "What time should I be there?" I asked as I threw the lotion bottle onto the counter.

"Thank you so much Bella! I really appreciate it. Jessica called in sick and may not even be in tomorrow night."

"Tomorrow's Halloween, Mike!" I groaned, not even trying to hide my disgust.

"Yeah I know. I'm really urging her to get better soon if you know what I mean," he joked.

I wasn't laughing. He must have sensed his joke bombed when I made no attempt to reply. Mike was only a year older than I was, 28. How he had landed this job was beyond me. He did a great job with the schedules, orders, finances, booking bands, but there were times when it came to having a backbone and standing up to people and he failed.

He wanted to be liked so much by his employees that some-like Jessica-sensed his weakness and took advantage of it. "Anyway, Edward and Jasper are taking over the bar tomorrow and Alice and Ro will help you with the waitressing tonight and tomorrow in the event that Jessica doesn't show up."

"Okay, Mike. That sounds good."

"Thanks Bella. I do appreciate it." I smiled as I walked out of the bathroom and into my bedroom to start getting dressed. I put my cell phone on speaker and set it down on the bed, while I grabbed my skinny jeans.

"So, what time tonight, Mike?" I grunted from across the room as I shimmied my jeans up, zipped them and slipped on my ballet flats.

"Six okay? If not seven is cool, too," he replied.

"I'll be there at six. I can use the extra money." I grabbed a white V neck t-shirt from the closet and headed toward my bed.

"Okay, see you at six, Bella. Thanks again." With that he hung up while I continued getting dressed. I was out the door and heading toward the park with a few minutes to spare.

I made my way to the coffee shop, located a block away from the park and got two large black coffees to go. I had come to the park on a whim when I first moved here, just to escape my condo. I was a crying, sniveling mess that first month. When I wasn't working, I did nothing but lay in bed.

I hadn't cared if I made new friends, I didn't give a rat's ass what my co-workers thought of me. I was there for the paycheck, that was it. I barely ate or drank. I missed the appointments I was supposed to go to, and I couldn't find it in me to care.

I'd lost my reason for smiling...and I did it by my own hand. One decision had turned my world upside down. My insecurities led me to my life now. I sure as Hell wasn't happy with where I was in this life. I was never an overly religious person, but I prayed that those I left behind, namely Carlisle, would forgive me and find peace and happiness. I wasn't good enough for them and couldn't bring them down with me. It was better for them if I let them go. Let Carlisle go. I knew I was a coward, but I couldn't see any other option.

I allowed my depression to swallow me up for a month before I decided to TRY and live again. I started going to my appointments a month after I'd arrived in Chicago. Although, I knew deep down that I would never fully live, but I had to at least try. I had to, even if I wasn't near Carlisle anymore. He had brought me out of shell, he'd helped me to see the good in living and opening up. I felt like I was disappointing him by allowing the darkness to embrace me on such a deep level. I knew I would never be the same again without him.

The morning I decided to try again, I woke up and took a shower, and got dressed. I rummaged through the moving boxes that still sat unpacked - even after having lived here for a month and found my old 35mm camera.

I'd left the condo with no destination in mind. I couldn't explain it, but my instincts were guiding my body and telling me to go with the flow. I never questioned it. I let my feet take me to the coffee shop and then to the park. I sat on one of the benches and people watched, taking photos of the children playing or the scenery. I watched families rent the little battery operated boats so they could sail on the small man made lake.

Ducks and geese waddled around freely. A few times I would bring a loaf of bread with me to feed them, but not too often as I learned after a few days in a row of that practice, they became accustomed to it and literally flocked to me when I'd arrive.

One morning a little boy who couldn't have been older than four years old was chasing a butterfly and barreled into my legs as I was taking photos of the geese bathing themselves in the lake. It was the strangest sense of déjà vu. In that moment, I thought of Carlisle and Ciaus and that fateful day at the beach that had forever changed my life. When I finally met the eyes of the excited toddler, I froze. I finally felt like I had been given a sign. The coolest greenish gray eyes met mine. The baby faced toddler smiled the brightest smile, it met his eyes and for the first time in three months, I genuinely smiled back.

From that day on, I woke up early every morning and was at the park by eight o'clock in the hopes of seeing Tyler and his beautiful smile, his gorgeous eyes and hearing his infectious laugh.

I finally found something, someone to look forward to.

Now and then I would bring him a toy, a balloon, but I never overdid it. He was never at the park with his parents, always his nanny, Maria. I became friends with the woman, who I guessed to be in her late thirties and we got to know each other over our black coffees. It didn't matter that I usually got off work at two or three in the morning, I was always there. I always had my camera with me and continued to take photos of my surroundings, which now included this handsome little boy.

"Good morning, Bella!" Maria exclaimed as she and Tyler walked toward me, hand in hand, waking me from my thoughts. I smiled brightly at Maria, handing her the steaming cup of black coffee and made eye contact with my little man.

"Morning, Maria." I put my arms out to Tyler. "And you, how are you, little man?"

Tyler shrieked in excitement as he flung himself in my arms. I sighed contently as I held him close. I couldn't explain the feeling that drifted through me when I held this little boy, but I wasn't about to deny myself. I looked over to see a smiling Maria watching us over her tilted coffee cup.

"I'm good."

"You are?" I set Tyler on my knee and bounced him. "Were you a good boy at preschool yesterday?"

"Yes!"

"Oh well, I'm relieved..." I teased. "Because if not I would have to bring out the tickle monster!"

"No!" He wiggled in my lap until I loosened my hold and he ran off toward the jungle gym. I laughed as I watched him climb to the top. Maria nudged my shoulder with hers.

"How you been? You sleep any?"

I sighed and immediately took a long swig of my hot coffee. "Uh, I get the usual."

"The usual huh? Somehow I get the feeling that's not enough, darling, you're looking worse for wear."

I put my hand on my chest and feigned offense. "You know just how to make a girl's day!" I stuck my tongue out at her.

Maria's chuckle slowly turned into a sigh as we both looked in Tyler's direction and saw him playing tag with little boy and girl who had gotten to the playground not too long after him.

"So, what are you doing tonight?" Maria asked.

I took another sip of my coffee and set it down on the ground by my feet. "Got called into work tonight." I made a face to show my disappointment. Really though it didn't bother me. It kept me occupied.

"Oh, that's too bad."

"Yeah." I picked up my camera. "You mind if I snap some shots while we talk?" I motioned to my camera.

Maria shook her head. "Not at all."

I began shooting Tyler and the other two children playing on the jungle gym, tagging each other than running away, giggling. It was such a sight. Innocence. They didn't have a care in the world. How I longed for that feeling again.

"Well, I've got a proposition for you, Bella." Maria began. That snapped me out of my bubble. I cocked my head in her direction, away from watching the kids play. "It's no big deal." She held her hands up in mock surrender.

I smiled, chuckling softly. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well, I'm not sure if a four year old can have crushes, but I think it's safe to say that your little man is crushing on you big time! You're all he talks about. I hear about YOU all day..." She rolled her eyes then winked. I snorted. "Anyway, his parents have asked me to invite you to dinner. Since you work tonight and tomorrow's Halloween, that's a no go, but maybe next week sometime? They would really love to meet you." She ended with a smile.

I had mixed emotions. I wasn't overly social or anti-social for that matter, but meeting new people always scared me. Yet this was Tyler's parents. I'm sure they were curious about the 'stranger' who saw their son every day. The stranger who made sure to see Tyler come rain or shine for the last two months-no fail. Hell, I would be worried about it and I knew I posed no threat. What if they thought I did though? What if they saw right through me and saw that I was no good? What if I wasn't allowed to see Tyler anymore? I shook off that thought quickly and met Maria's eyes.

"I would love to." I looked down quickly to my camera, dying for a distraction. "Will you be there? It'd be nice to have another friendly face." I felt Maria's stare. I refused to meet her gaze, instead I continued taking pictures of Tyler and his friends.

"I think so. I mean I'm usually there all the time, it's not often I have days off in a long stretch. Like today and tomorrow will be the first days off I've had in a while."

I looked down from my camera. "Wow. What's the special occasion?" I teased with a wink.

"They have some family that came in late last night from the West coast. I guess they haven't seen them in a while. They got in about two this morning."

"What's their story?" I fished.

"Uh, well, I didn't really see any of them. I know there's an older couple, grandparents to Tyler and their son, Tyler's uncle, came with them, but like I said...I haven't actually met them."

"Well that's cool though and hey, you get some time off too." I waggled my eyebrows suggestively. "You got a hot date maybe? A costume party?" I nudged her shoulder with mine. Maria blushed and giggled.

"Uh no!"

"Come on, girl, get out there. Shake your booty and have some fun!" I encouraged. I grabbed my coffee and finished it, watching her from the corner of my eye. Maria always seemed so sure of herself, but when I teased her about dating or parties, she clammed up. I guess we have that in common. If it wasn't for me working at Breaking Dawn, I would never be out either. Although, I never looked at it as being out, to me it was just a job.

"We can go out and shake our booties together sometime. How's that sound? You can even invite your friends, Alice and Edward...Oh! Maybe Emmett? He's a cutie, but you can leave Rosalie at home." She cackled.

During one of our daily meetings at the park, Maria noticed a bear of a man running around the park and doing sit-ups, he was really working up a sweat. As the man drew closer to where we sat, I realized it was Emmett, the doorman at Breaking Dawn. He recognized me and stopped to say hello. I introduced him to Maria and they traded pleasantries. Ever since that morning, Maria had been smitten and she asked about him often, even though Emmett was involved with Rosalie.

"She's not that bad." I lied. She was friendly, yet I found myself biting my tongue at times just by being in the same room as her.

"Yeah, well." She waved it off.

I sighed happily as I saw Tyler running toward us with a huge smile plastered on his face and blush coloring his cheeks from his excursion.

"Maria! Bella!" He came to a screeching stop in front of us, breathing heavily with his hands resting on his knees. I couldn't help but burst into a fit of giggles at Tyler's excitement. Maria stood, taking my empty coffee cup with hers and throwing it into the trash bin. Tyler grabbed her pant leg and pulled. "You guys want to play with us? Please? We're going to play musical chairs."

I couldn't help but giggle again, although I quickly placed my hand over my mouth. "Where are your chairs, Tyler?" I asked.

He turned to look at me as though I had two heads. I looked to Maria, who shrugged her shoulders. Tyler grabbed my hand and pulled Maria and me to the faux camp fire to the right of the park. "Here." He managed to huff out in explanation.

I sat down on a huge rock, "Okay, you're it Tyler! We need music though!" Tyler pulled Maria to sit down next to me as the other two children came and joined us. I smiled at them and waved.

"Bella, these two monkeys are Todd and Kate. They are in Tyler's preschool class," Maria said.

"Hi." They waved shyly but I could see the excitement in their eyes as Tyler shushed us quiet.

"Okay, we need someone to sing then stop, then sing again..." Tyler looked at me. "Can you sing that song you sang to me that time I hurt my knee?"

His question took me by surprise. I had forgotten all about that. My heart raced in my chest at the memories that song held for me. That day he hurt himself, Maria had stepped away to use the restroom. He'd fallen off the swings and skinned his knee. I cleaned it up and tried to soothe him, but nothing worked, until I got the bright idea to lift him up as though he was flying and I began to sing to him. It had always made me feel better when it was sung to me - when Carlisle sang it to me. I was shocked he had remembered.

"Uh, sure Tyler." I blinked, trying to compose myself. Tyler motioned for everyone to stand and started walking in a circle around the makeshift chairs. I took a shaky breath. Here goes nothing.

"You're better then the best. I'm lucky just to linger in your light. Cooler than the flip side of my pillow, that's right. Completely unaware, nothing can compare to where you send me..." I sang until my voice broke in mid verse. The kids immediately rushed to the rocks and sat as did Maria, leaving me standing alone, trying not to burst into tears.

I closed my eyes tightly as I turned my back to all of them. I hadn't had a breakdown in a while. I hadn't shed a tear or had such a strong reaction to the memories in a while. I still thought of him every day. I missed him every day. I loved him every day. I wanted things to have played out differently. I would do anything and give it all up to be with him again-if I was what he needed or wanted.

Although days seemed to get easier, there wasn't a moment, an hour, that passed that I didn't long for him in every way. It tore my heart out how much I missed him, how I depended on him. Who was I kidding? I didn't have much heart left. I had given it to him. He still had it in his possession and I would never take it back. It wasn't mine anymore. It was his. It IS his. My heart belongs to him. Always.

I turned back to the four sets of eyes watching me. "So, I guess I lost out, huh?"


	2. Chapter 2

**So here's Chapter 2~! I want to thank those who have read and reviewed. Your reviews and support encouraged me and put a smile on my face. Thank you! :) Of course I need to thank my rock, Eifeltwrfanfic for being an awesome beta and for keeping with me. I love you TS! Lindz, you are a true artist and I thank you for making the beautiful banner for this fic. Love you hard core! (It is on my profile page) ****http:/www**** (.) fanfiction (.) net/u/2181485/JenRoxanne**

**I have chapter 3 done and it's with my beta. I hope to have it up before the New Year, if not it will be soon after. Let me know what you think 3 R and R!**

**Lost and Found ~ Chapter Two**

When I arrived home from the park an hour later, I immediately jumped in the shower. I stood under the hot, steamy water as it pelted me, I prayed it would help relax me. Ease my tensions. It didn't. I leaned my head against the cold tile of the shower and felt the tears burning my eyes. _No_, I pleaded with myself. _Please, not today._

I could feel the darkness threatening me. I was scared. I didn't want to feel the pain anymore, yet I didn't want to move on from Carlisle or what we had. I didn't want to forget. I was angry at myself too. How dare I pine for him when I was the one who left? I made this decision and here I am crying like it happened to me without any way to stop it. I did this. I decided to leave. I put myself in this position. Did I even have a right to mourn the loss I felt? Yet, as twisted as it sounds, I felt as though I deserved to feel every ounce of pain. I relished in it. It was a reminder of what I had. How good it had been and it reminded me how bad I felt when I had to let it go. It had been real.

Since I'd awoken from that dream this morning, Carlisle had been on my mind like never before. It was almost like I could sense his presence. Smell his skin. Hear his voice. Feel his touch. See his gaze. I sighed heavily and let a tear trickle down my cheek. God, I missed him so much. Frustrated with myself, I pushed away from the wall and finished my shower deep in thought of what to do next.

I dressed in a pair of ratty sweats and a sleep shirt, after cleaning up my dirty clothes and wet towels, throwing them in the hamper I made my way to my bedroom. I leaned against the window and looked out at the busy streets thinking more about what I should do. I decided that whatever my next move was, I had to keep with it. If I decided to keep living the way I have been these last three months, alone, then I was going to have to move on and stop moping. I couldn't torture myself.

I knew my feelings for him would always exist, but I wasn't doing myself any favors. I had gotten better, but I had to do more. I pulled the curtains shut so the room was cloaked in darkness. Turning my back to the window I fell in my bed. The yawn that escaped my lips left me breathless. I crawled under my comforter, snuggling into my pillows. I laid there for nearly an hour waiting for sleep to take me but it never came. I tried laying on my stomach, back, sides. I fluffed my pillows. I tried every position I could think of, even laying my head at the foot of my bed and sleep never came. Finally, frustrated with the whole thing, I decided to get up and make some breakfast hoping that a full stomach may help me sleep.

As I sat at my kitchen bar, eating cereal, I debated on calling my dad. I hadn't spoken to him in a week and I knew he worried about me. The last few times I called, he'd ask how I was doing, which was to be expected. What peaked my interest was his tone. It changed the last few times. He didn't seem as worried. I could tell he wanted to come out and ask me what was going on. Why I ran. Was he fishing for information? Maybe he wanted me to confide in him? I wanted to… so much, yet I kept my mouth shut and said everything was fine and would quickly change the subject to work, my photography and at times I even mentioned Tyler, he had a way of always brightening my mood. I appreciated my dad's concern, but I knew he was uncomfortable and out of his element.

I gave my dad credit though. While I was growing up we had never been close, but he tried as much as he could. He was a loaner and kept to himself. Guess it runs in the family.

Every once in a while Charlie would ask if I called my mom, which caused me to mumble some generic answer, then he'd ask if I heard from anyone else. I knew who he meant. Carlisle. He did well not to mention Carlisle to me by name, he would beat around the bush, but every now and then he'd slip up and mention HIM this and HIM that.

At first my dad had been more direct, he'd come right out with it, saying I was being asked about, how I was doing, if I had called any friends or family with my whereabouts. When I finally told him I'd give Jake and Emily a call, the phone line quieted and I knew who he was asking for, I made my dad promise to never tell Carlisle where I had moved and he begrudgingly agreed, but made it known that he didn't like the idea either.

My dad had always liked Carlisle in his own way, he'd never shown it or even came right out and said it at first but I knew. He would pepper Carlisle with questions about the house we bought together, if it had been inspected, if the roof was sturdy and how new it was. He drilled him on his job, family, if he had been married before or had any kids.

Charlie spoke of sports and fishing. To any outsider, it might not sound like a lot, but to me, my dad asking about the practical things, making sure I was taken care of or even holding a conversation for that length of time spoke volumes.

On the day of Carlisle and my engagement party Charlie made a point of telling me that he was happy to see how much I had blossomed since meeting Carlisle. Since I'd fallen in love. I was finally living my life for me, not for everyone else. Charlie wanted me to be happy. He told me that he didn't have to worry about me anymore because he knew Carlisle would take care of me. He was proud to call Carlisle his son.

Was Carlisle still asking about me?

I have to admit I'm curious to know if Carlisle and my dad still spoke or if Carlisle still wondered about me. Was he having as hard of a time with it too? How was he doing? How was his family? How was Ciaus? God, I could be so selfish! It wasn't my place to ask those questions anymore.

I hopped off the bar stool in a huff, accidentally knocking my now empty cereal bowl to the floor and shattering it. _Great!_ By the looks of the events of my day so far, I could see how the rest of today was going to turn out. I opened the door to the large pantry to grab the broom and dustpan when THE BOX nestled near the back grabbed my attention. _Should I?_

I got down on my hands and knees, crawling a couple feet inside the pantry to the shoe box and pulled it out of the dark corner towards me. I blew on it, sending a cloud of dust all around me. I waved my hand in front of my face, thinking it would clear it away, but instead it sent me into a fit of sneezes. I crawled back out of the pantry and onto the cool kitchen floor, bringing the box with me.

I stared at it like it was a huge spider dying to jump at me, I'm afraid of spiders, at least big, furry ones. I was torn between taking this box outside to the trash can or taking it to my bedroom and laying all the contents out in front of me. So, yeah, I stood up, grabbed the box and headed to my bedroom.

Once I had emptied the box, my eyes scanned over everything laid out in front of me. Dried lilies from our first date, love notes he would leave on my pillow when he left for work at 4 o' clock in the morning. There were various seashells from the beach, a baseball cap he used to wear when he'd play on his work's baseball team. I had never been a huge fan, although my dad was, but I quickly grew to love the game, just seeing the way that uniform hugged Carlisle's body and the stance he'd make when he was about to hit the ball, oh God, even the way he slide into home always had my panties soaked while I sat watching in the stands.

It never failed, as soon as we were in his car driving home from a game, I was all over him. My hands would be palming his erection through his pants, my mouth kissing and sucking along his neck. He always insisted that I came to watch him play or practice and now I knew why, I tried to hold back, but it was no use… I was a goner. I ignored his smug smile as I molested him on the drive home, as soon as he'd pull into the garage and parked, I was in his lap and he had the driver seat reclined.

A small smile curved my lips as I ran my fingers along the bill of his baseball cap. A sad sigh escaped when I set the cap to the side and continued to look through more items. I found an envelope next full of black and white pictures I had taken while Carlisle and Ciaus had played catch on the beach. Another one of him and Ciaus soaking wet in our backyard with the garden hose in their mouths. I ran my finger tip along the picture remembering that day. I flipped through more pictures until I got to a few I had taken at one of the many baseball games. He was bent at the knees, leaning forward while he guarded second base. In another he was at home plate with a bat in mid-swing, most likely hitting another homerun. I also found a few of the whole team.

I then found a couple pictures of us together. In one, our smiling faces were cheek to cheek staring at the camera I had in my outstretched hand, in another I was looking at the camera shyly, blushing as his hand cupped my face, his lips were pressed against my cheek close to my ear. My heart warmed when I remembered taking this picture, just as I had clicked to take the photo, he had whispered in my ear how he wanted me to wear his baseball cap… and nothing else. My hand went to my cheek as I felt it warm under my touch. I continued looking through the mementos that normally would've had me retrieve back into my former, wallowing self, but today it made me happy, satisfied, and even content.

I set the pictures onto my bed and turned my attention back to the box, but I found myself constantly looking back at the pictures from the corner of my eye. I continued to look through the box, finding the Uncle Kracker CD he'd bought me because _Smile_ was on there. It was our song.

I found our engagement party invitation that I'd originally kept to put into a scrapbook, but I never did it. Menus from almost every restaurant we ate at. That was an inside joke between us, 'our thing', we stole menus.

I spent another hour looking through the box, remembering how I fell in love with Carlisle. As odd as it may sound, that feeling I had back then came crashing over me, but stronger than ever. The warmth, anxiety, and excitement, the sweaty palms, the blush, the fever. It was like I was falling in love with him all over again. I couldn't explain it, yet I felt like a fool for feeling this way from only looking at photos, dried flowers and knick knacks.

When I felt around the bottom of the box, it was empty except for one last piece of paper. It was the paper he had given me on the beach with his cell phone number on it. I stared at the numbers. I touched the paper delicately as though it would crumble in my hands if I wasn't careful.

I bit my lip, contemplating my next move. Should I call him? Why was I even thinking about calling him? I looked between my bedside table where my cell phone sat and the piece of paper in my hand. For what felt like hours, which were actually only a few minutes, I sat looking between his number and my cell phone. I don't know what came over me, but I suddenly lunged off the bed and grabbed my phone. I stood up quickly and stood in the middle of my bedroom. _Do I? Don't I?_ Now that the thought had entered my mind, it wouldn't leave.

"God, what am I doing?" I muttered as I changed my settings so my number would be blocked on his caller ID. It was decided, my trembling fingers pressed the numbers into the keypad and I brought the phone to my ear. I was being pulled into this crazy vortex of emotions. Would he be happy to hear from me? Angry? Had he moved on? Would he remember me? Stupid! Of course he would remember me but would he even...

"Hello?"

I couldn't breathe. My mouth moved but no sound came out. His warm, velvet voice sounded soothing in my ear. How I had missed his voice. I brought my hand to my mouth as I held back a sob.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

What was I doing? I was the one who left. I couldn't expect him to be happy to hear from me because I decided it was ok now, and as much as I hated to do it, I hung up. I threw the phone on my bed, staring at it. I grabbed at my hair, pulling at it in frustration.

"Fuck!" I screamed.

I pulled my hands out of my hair and looked at the crumpled paper I was clutching. I ran to my bed, grabbed the box and begun throwing everything back inside. I wanted to forget what I had just done. He didn't know it was me; he couldn't have, could he? I dismissed that thought. He hopefully thought it was a wrong number. Once I put the lid on the box, I set it on the floor between my bed and bedside table.

I went to the kitchen, trying to busy myself by cleaning up the broken cereal bowl I had nearly forgotten about in all the excitement and reminiscing. Just as I finished, I looked at the clock and saw it was nearly noon. I strolled into the living room, throwing myself on the couch before I pulled a light blanket over me and burrowed myself into the cushions and pillows. I had to distance myself from the box full of mementos and my cell phone. I had to catch my breath and decide I could try again. I want to. I want to speak with him and make things right, no matter how it turned out. Even if he never wanted to speak to me again, I had to apologize, but for now I needed to clear my head. Before I knew it, my eyes closed and I fell into a deep sleep, betraying myself with thoughts of Carlisle.

I awoke with a sense of hopeful promise lingered in the air around me. I rubbed my face to push away the sleep when it hit me. It's five o'clock and I'd said I'd be to work by six! I jumped off the couch, throwing the blanket down and ran to my bedroom to get ready for work.

I set my hair in hot rollers, brushed my teeth and applied my makeup. When I was happy with my efforts, I let my hair fall down in soft curls around my shoulders, where I sprayed and styled it until I was satisfied.

The uniforms for Breaking Dawn left little to the imagination to say the least, I'm what you called a shy girl, but I wasn't ashamed of my body. The skimpy outfit did make me feel sexy, but it also brought unwanted attention my way. I pulled on spanks instead of my panties; there was no way I was going to show my ass to the drunk men and women while wearing this semi-mini skirt.

I pulled on sheer black thigh-highs and the pleated black skirt that ended five inches above my knees.

At least the black, off the shoulder top with 3/4 length sleeves covered me up just a bit more. I was pretty sure my tits weren't going to fall out. I studied myself in the body length mirror and decided I was happy with my appearance. I slipped on the two inch heels, grabbed my cell phone and made my way to the kitchen to find my purse.

I hadn't eaten or had much to drink all day except for my morning coffee and the cereal I had before my nap, so I grabbed a granola bar and a banana to eat on the go.

I double checked my condo to make sure it was locked up, grabbed my purse, keys and cell phone. In the rush of getting ready quickly, I hadn't thought much of the phone call I had made earlier that day. I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at my phone. It suddenly felt like it was a brick in my hand. It mocked me. Taunted me.

Should I try again? What if he answered? I would have to keep it short so I could get to work, but what if he was happy to hear from me? I could be a little late. This was more important than a waitressing job. This was my life! He was my life!

As terrified as I was, I couldn't help the nudge I felt to try again. I dialed the most recent number in my call log and felt my heart stop as the line rang in my ear. Gooseflesh covered my arms as my nerves overtook every part of me. Just as I thought it would go to voicemail and I pondered what to leave as a message, a woman answered, sending me into a tailspin. Fuck. My. Life.

"Hello?" She sounded beautiful. I couldn't find the courage to speak a word. My breath hitched as I stood in shock. He had moved on. "I hear you breathing. Anyone there?" she asked.

"Uh...y-yes," I stuttered, suddenly determined to find out any information I could. Who was she? "Is, uh, I mean, is Carlisle there?" I couldn't hide my anxiety. God, why did I do this? He loved her. He moved on. Serves me right if he did. I deserved the heartbreak if he was over me. Over us.

"Oh sweetie, he's in the shower," she paused, "I noticed your number is blocked. I could give him your name and number, he'll call you right back."

"Oh, um," I hesitated, "I can call back. It's no trouble, really. It's not that important." _Obviously_, I thought to myself.

"Don't be silly!" She laughed. Was she patronizing me? "I'd be happy to relay the message as soon as he hops out."

I debated for less than a minute. Could I trust her? If she was his girlfriend, she would more than likely NOT relay the message. I would have second thoughts if I was aware of his past or a strange woman was calling my boyfriend's phone. Should I take the chance?

"Yeah, um..."

"Hey babe, who are you talking to?" a muffled male voice in the background called out.

I felt my heart drop. Was that Carlisle? I strained, putting my index finger in my free ear to try and hear the muffled conversation. Damn it! I couldn't make anything out, but it had to be Carlisle. Who else could it be when SHE answered HIS phone? I heard a shuffle over the phone line, assuming she covered the mouth piece to speak with him. As hard as I tried, I couldn't understand their conversation.

"Alright sweetie, I've got a pen and paper. What's your name and number and I'll pass it on."

I stood confused. If he was there, why not give him the phone? She wasn't going to tell him. Why would she? Maybe he didn't want to talk to me! After hanging up on him earlier… could he have been suspicious that it was me? I sighed heavily and dropped my forehead against the wall. Before I could open my mouth to answer I heard giggles from the woman and… was that smacking? Kissing? Then the man's voice whispered to her but in my state of shock I wasn't paying attention to the voice or what it was saying. Then she moaned! Oh God! Were they making out? All the contents of my stomach, which wasn't much to begin with, threatened to come up all at once. I heard her hit him and whisper something unintelligible. "Sweetie, you there?" she purred.

I snapped back to reality. "Uh-yeah I am, but um… don't worry about it. It's not important." I pulled the phone away from my ear and ended the call. I then threw the phone onto the kitchen counter, not giving a flying fuck if it broke or not. I never wanted to look at that damn phone again.

My mind was full of mixed emotions. I wanted to crumble and die. I wanted to punch the wall until I broke my hand. I wanted to scream. I wanted to hate her. I wanted to hate him. In all reality, it was myself I hated. I did this to myself. I ran like a coward. Did I really think that three months later he would be pining for me? Waiting by the phone for me to come to my senses and call? Of course not. He'd moved on. I was angry. Livid. I couldn't blame him for giving up. I did. I gave up on him. On us. How was that forgivable? I grabbed my purse and jacket, slamming everything I touched as I went.

When I had arrived at work, on foot, no less, everyone greeted me with smiles that quickly faded when they realized my sour mood. I hid myself in the bathroom across from the break room for at least ten minutes to get myself together. I couldn't act like this all night. If he wanted to move on FINE! I could too. I leaned over the sink, staring at my reflection in the mirror and laughed. _Keep__telling yourself that Bella_, I thought. I closed my eyes and took some cleansing breaths. I sighed heavily, one last time, and grabbed my stuff. I headed to the break room to stow my things in my locker and put on my name tag.

The night began slow as I headed to the second and third floors to double check the tables, making sure the menus, place settings, the black, grey and white mosaic candle centerpieces were all in place. I wiped all the tables clean and swept the floor, even though it'd all been done the night before, I was desperate to find anything to keep myself busy.

People began to filter in, filling the restaurant with customers; luckily they served as another distraction. When I had to go to the bar for drink orders, I kept the conversations with Jasper and Edward light. Jasper, Alice's boyfriend and I spoke in polite context mostly, being Alice and I got along pretty well, but Edward was a different story. I really did like him. He was always so sweet. He knew I was having a hard time with something the last couple of months and I could tell he wanted to ask me about it but he never did.

At times I caught him staring at the engagement ring on my finger, yet he'd never asked me anything about it and for that I was grateful. He knew I never spoke of a fiancé and that I never brought anyone in. I was glad to have someone who knew when I needed to be left alone or make a joke if I needed a laugh. Edward always knew what to do to lighten the atmosphere; he'd either tell me silly jokes or whip out his phone and play me funny videos on YouTube. We also both watched **Supernatural** so the morning after each episode he'd ask me my theories on the plotline.

He was single and very good looking. The tight black khaki pants and black v-neck t-shirts Breaking Dawn made the bartenders wear complimented his body well. Yes, I'd noticed. Who couldn't with his deep green eyes, and chiseled jaw line, he always sported a light dusting of scruff across his face and his hair… well that was the masterpiece. I watched this man brush his hair before work and on his rare breaks, but you would never know it by looking at him later. His hair stood on end and in every other direction. The other waitresses, hostesses and yes even some of our regular customers - called it sex hair. Suffice it to say, he was very popular with the ladies. I always told him he brought it on himself by running his hands through his hair all the time. He claims it's a nervous twitch.

Alice had hinted to setting Edward and I up on dates and she'd invited us to go out with her and Jasper, but I could never find it in my heart to go.

Honestly, I didn't have those kinds of feelings for Edward. I adored him-as much as I let myself adore anyone. I thought he was a genuinely wonderful guy. He was like a cool younger brother or just a good friend who happened to be a guy. I couldn't say best friend, but maybe as close of one I had here.

I felt Edward's eyes on me. I glanced in his direction, smiling in a tight line.

"Hey, Bella." Edward grabbed a beer mug, filling it from the tap.

"Hey, Edward." I looked down at my tray, playing with the corners on my order pad. I could still feel his eyes on me. Jasper came to the bar from the back with a box, setting it on the bar.

"Well hello there, beautiful Bella!" My eyes shot up at Jasper in shock. He had never called me that before! Why now? Why that term of endearment today of all days? I glanced at Edward, who as always, sensed my fright and saved the day.

"Jazz, why the lovey dovey nickname, huh? You get lucky last night? You're awfully chipper," he teased.

Jasper chuckled and began unpacking bottles of Grey Goose, Bacardi and Southern Comfort.

"I don't kiss and tell, Bro."

Edward blew raspberries. "Liar." I chuckled as Edward winked at me before he handed me the beer, turning to pour some shots for my customers upstairs.

"Hey…" Edward looked up at me, cocking my eyebrow in question. "Pour me one."

What little smile he had slowly disappeared as I saw a look of concern wash over his face. "You don't drink, Bella. I haven't seen you drink a single drop since you've been here." I gulped as my eyes looked away from his, to watch Jasper work.

"Give me a shot," I said, ignoring his last comment.

"No."

My eyes snapped in his direction, narrowing. He stood there, determined, his arms leaning on the bar at his sides. He never took his eyes from mine; he was daring me. I glared at him now, anger filling my body.

"You sneak shots all the time. You think I don't see you? Now give me a damn shot, EDWARD." I emphasized his name to prove my point. I don't know what game he thought he was playing, but he wasn't going to win. I was determined to hold my ground.

I watched him without blinking as he leaned slightly over the bar in my direction. His green eyes darkened with anger or maybe it was irritation. "I. Said. No."

I was so angry already and he was only adding to it. I could spit nails and in this moment every single one would be aimed at Edward's pretty face. Yep, give me a black marker; I wasn't above drawing myself a target.

"What's your problem, Edward?" I screeched, a little louder than I meant to, pulling Alice and Mike's attention in our direction from their current position on the stage and Jasper almost dropped the bottle in his hand as he whirled toward us. I busied myself by grabbing some coasters and napkins, throwing them on my tray.

Edward leaned more in my direction until he was only a few inches from my face. "The question is Bella, what's wrong with you? This isn't like you."

I scoffed. "You don't know me." I grabbed the shots from the bar, put them on my tray and began to walk away, but Edward was faster. He grabbed my forearm and held it down on the bar.

"Actually, I know you better than you think. You're very easy to read." He moved his head lower to look up at me. "You don't make it easy though. I give you that much."

I wanted to lash out at him, but when I made eye contact, I couldn't, all I saw was concern.

"Right now, Bella, you don't need a drink, It won't solve anything."

I fought the tears that burned my eyes and threatened to fall. He was right. Damn it, he was right, but I sure as hell wasn't giving him the satisfaction of knowing it. I looked away before he could see the weakness in my face. He let my arm go and I pulled away in defeat. Jasper looked between the two of us, unsure and maybe a little frightened of what to bring to the conversation. I picked up my tray and walked away, not saying a word to either of them.

Thankfully the rest of the evening went fairly quickly. The restaurant was extremely busy, almost to the point where I barely had a chance to sit down and take a breather and my body was beginning to feel it from wearing these heels. Alice and Ro kept giving me worried glances, but I ignored them and pretended nothing was wrong. Alice finally got the nerve to ask what happened between Edward and me, but I was able to dodge the question by asking if she got laid. That quieted her down with a blush burning her face, for a moment. She then started regaling me with more details then I ever cared to know concerning Jasper's anatomy. Wow, I seriously needed that shot.

Around midnight, the restaurant levels of Breaking Dawn closed, so we girls began doing our routine of cleaning the tables, changing the tablecloths, and putting in new candles in the centerpieces. We disinfected the stools, chairs and benches. Swept the hardwood floors, and vacuumed the area rugs that sat under each dining table.

The band still had an hour before they packed up and we closed. Between the live music and the drinks flowing from the bar, the first floor was hopping. We hurriedly got the cloth napkins and rolled up the silverware settings for the next night, before we went downstairs and were serving drinks and listening to the band play.

Usually we kept the boys company at the bar, but I wasn't in the mood to be around Edward or his self righteous behavior. No I wasn't planning on apologizing either. I busied myself in the back, cleaning and reorganizing the storage closet. At one point, Edward came in to grab some margarita mix.

"Bella." I turned my back to him.

I knew I was acting like a spoiled brat, but at that moment I didn't care. The only other person who had ever spoken to me like that was Carlisle and I was doing everything in my power to not dwell on that situation, hence, needing a shot. I wanted to get this shift over with, grab a bottle of vodka and hide in my bed. I wasn't a huge drinker, but tonight I just wanted to forget.

Edward cleared his throat. "Believe it or not, I'm your friend. I just want to help you. Let me help." With that he turned and walked out, leaving me alone.

The next hour went by with no fanfare, the band was on their way out as us girls did our cleaning routine on the first floor. Mike locked himself in his office after he received the cash drawers from Edward and Jasper, getting the night deposit drop ready to go. Emmett had just locked the front and back doors after the band walked out. He made his way to Ro, making her giggles carry throughout the room. We all knew what they were doing without looking.

"Hey! Who wants to hang for a bit? It's not even one thirty, let's have some drinks. Shoot the shit," Emmett suggested. Alice and Jasper were in agreement as was Ro.

Of course, Edward had to be the stick in the mud. "I am exhausted. I'll walk Bella out and head home."

What. The. Fuck? When did I become his charity case or worse yet, a child he felt he needed to babysit? Not only was I trying to not wallow in myself pity over Carlisle, bang up job by the way Bella, but Edward was pissing me off. I walked over to the bar, threw my towel at Edward, hitting him in the chest as I spoke to Emmett.

"Let's do it, Em, I'm all for it," I stated with conviction while, looking straight at Edward.

"Bella can't drink tonight, Em," Edward called out.

Emmett strolled to the bar to stand next to me. "You sick, pip squeak?" Emmett placed his arm around my shoulders.

"Nope. I feel just fine," I said sarcastically in Edward's direction.

A huge smile plastered across Emmett's face, and he clapped his hands together. "Let's get our drink on then, motherfuckers!" he ordered Edward to start pouring shots as we all got a stool and sat at the bar.

Edward handed everyone a shot except me. Jasper came behind Edward and handed me mine.

"Thanks Jasper." I tilted my drink back and swallowed the harsh liquor down. When I slammed the shot glass down, Emmett was beaming while Edward was brooding. I motioned to Jasper to pour me another.

"So, let's play a game," Emmett suggested.

Alice bounced in her stool, squealing and clapping. "Alright, it's my version of twenty questions; if you don't answer you have to take a shot."

We all mumbled in agreement, Edward less enthusiastically than the rest of us. The questions flowed from everyone, them more than me; I didn't know what to ask. They had these inside jokes, secrets and old embarrassing stories, the worse the question, the better. The name of the game was get everyone as drunk as possible.

Emmett turned to me. "So, pipsqueak, where did you live before moving to Chicago?"

I chuckled. I could choose not to answer, but I didn't want to be so predictable. What was the harm in telling them a little bit about myself. "Washington."

"What brings you here? Why move?" Jasper asked.

I made eye contact with Edward for the first time since we sat down. I grabbed the bottle, pouring myself a shot and drank it down. I closed my eyes and hissed. When I opened my eyes and looked around, everyone's attention was on me.

"Fine! I had nothing left in Washington. I needed a change." Ro shifted in her stool, looking uncomfortable. Alice grabbed my hand in support, but I shook it off.

"Have any brothers or sisters?" Edward asked with a smirky grin.

I looked up at him with a sudden need to hug him and cry, all at the same time. Even if we weren't on the best of terms at the moment, it seemed he was still looking out for me. I couldn't help the little giggle that escaped my mouth.

"No, I'm an only child." Edward flashed his crooked grin as I noticed he asked a question that didn't result in my chugging down a shot. Sneaky bastard.

As the next few minutes passed, my mind wandered to Carlisle, it was a little after two in the morning. What was he doing? Was he awake? Asleep? Oh God, the thought of him in bed, but not sleeping crossed my mind as I played the earlier phone conversation in my mind. That woman's giggle played over and over. I reached over the bar and grabbed the bottle, but Emmett stopped me.

"Nope, pipsqueak." Emmett pointed at me as though he was scolding me. He rubbed his chin, deep in thought then he looked at my left hand. "I know! What's with the ring?" Edward froze in place, only his eyes moving to watch my reaction.

Not surprising anyone, I grabbed the bottle, poured another shot and drank. I had lost track of how many I had, but I was feeling relaxed. If I moved too fast though, objects that weren't meant to move would begin dancing. I kept my arms rested on the bar for support.

Alice grabbed my hand once again, I looked at her from the corner of my eye and almost broke down, she looked so sad for me.

"What was his name?" Emmett blurted. "Ouch woman!" Ro smacked the back of his head so hard I heard it snap across the room in an echo.

I brought the bottle back to my lips and took a long swig, not caring how much it burned my throat as it went down. Edward reached across to grab the bottle out of my hand, but I leaned away from him, broke free from Alice and stumbled away.

I didn't know where I was going, but the relaxed feeling was slipping away and was being replaced with desperation and loss. I drank from the bottle again and quickly hugged it to my chest when I saw Alice hop off her stool and come toward me.

"Honey, give me the bottle, let's get you home." She reached for me.

I stepped back, losing my footing and fell on my ass. I brought the bottle back to my lips and drank as much as I could before Edward's hands tried to gently grab it from me. I held onto it with a death grip, making Edward become more forceful, spilling it down the front of my top.

That broke me.

Everyone's eyes were on me. Staring. I could feel their pity. The tears I'd been able to hold back since the last phone call to Carlisle, finally broke through. My stomach churned with a queasy feeling. I tried not to move, but my sobs shook my body. I cradled my pounding head in my hands. Alice sat down next to me, putting her arms around me.

"Shhh, Bella, it's ok. We're going to take you home and take care of you." She wiped the tears from my cheeks.

I sniffed, wiping my nose across the sleeve of my arm. "I won't ever be home. I fucked everything up." I felt my face flush with the heat from the alcohol. I'd never been able to hold my liquor, it affected me almost immediately. Carlisle had always teased me about taking advantage of me when I was tipsy. I chuckled between my sobs. "He used to take care of me, you know?" I looked at Alice, between my tears, trying to catch my breath, but it just turned into hiccups.

"Who, honey?"

"Ca-Carlisle," I cried. I pulled my hand up in front of my face to look at my ring. The memories of his proposal came back. His smell. The way he looked at me. His touch. His lips. I kissed my ring through my hiccups. "H-he loved me, y-you know? And I fu-fucked it up. Why did I-I leave?" I screeched incoherently.

Alice made a motion and I was suddenly scooped up off the floor and cradled in someone's warm arms. I wrapped one arm around his shoulders, setting my left hand on his chest.

Carlisle and I always said we would look out for each other. We had each other and no one would destroy that. If I believed in nothing at all- I believed in him. I had faith in him. He was my strength. How could I leave and desert him? He had always been there for me, yet the first sign of abandonment from others and I abandoned the one person who'd never left my side.

I tucked my head under Edward's chin and stared at my ring until my eyes grew heavy with sleep. "I want to go home."


	3. Chapter 3

**I just want to thank all of you who are reading, reviewing and alerting. I appreciate it so much! If you haven't seen the banner my fucktastic friend, Lindz made, then hop onto my profile and click the link (you must have a Facebook account) I also have added some other photos I feel relate to this story and will add some as I go. I also want to thank my wonderful and beautiful friend Eifeltwrfanfic for beta-ing and for being the coolest person I know. I gush on you all the time girl, but you deserve it. I don't know what I'd do without you! Love you TS! This chapter takes place a little over 2 years in the past and will go from there, so yes we will eventually pick up where chapter 2 left off. I also need to thank MoMo for rec'ing my story! Thank you so much girlie!**

**Also my Carlisle does not look like Twilight's version of Carlisle (JS) he takes after Peter Facinelli. Thought I would clear that up so there's no confusion. Sorry for the rambling and thank you again for reading! *hugs***

**Lost and Found ~ Chapter Three**

"I want to go home," I whined as Emily grabbed my arm and pulled me from the passenger seat of Jake's old, tan Chevy truck. I put on my best pout, but it was useless on Emily. She had become so immune to it that, it never worked, no matter how often I tried. However, the guys were another story, but Jake was long gone, putting on his surf gear. Jake planned to start teaching Emily to surf today, her first lesson. And since Paul and Embry had a double date tonight, that left me with Emily, who succeeded in dragging me out of the truck and slamming the door before I could hide.

"Since when?" Emily let go of me long enough to put her hands on her hips and glare at me as though I was an unruly toddler. "You love the beach."

I did. I do. It was my sanctuary. I come to relax, unwind, and put my troubles on the backburner. It always cleared my mind, with the sounds, and beautiful sites. I would sit and admire the view on occasion, but more often than not, I had my sidekick with me, my 35 MM camera. I know that I could use the new digital cameras and I had one and even used it on occasion, usually for jobs. But the feeling I got taking photos, and developing them in my make shift darkroom located in the bathroom of my apartment, that was my way of distressing. A lot of people used alcohol, cigarettes, food, sex… well, I used my photography. It happened to also be my job, I was lucky they both went hand in hand.

When I first moved to Washington eight years ago, I was 17, I was lonely and felt rejected. I made a few friends at the small high school I was forced to attend, but I never connected with any of them. They were into town gossip, clothes, boys, girls and when I moved there, I was the new shiny toy. I had become their center of attention and I didn't like it, I'd rather hide in the crowd, not be noticed. There were some sincere classmates, but for the most part, I felt eventually the new would wear off and I would be long forgotten.

I did make some friends, Jake, Emily, Paul and Embry. The only drawback was that they attended school in another town, La Push. So, I only saw them on weekends. They would come down with my dad's best friend and Jake's dad, Billy, when the Mariner's played baseball. My dad's big screen TV was a popular hangout during the baseball, football and basketball seasons. Yet, there were only a few things for us teenagers to do at my dad's house and in my small town, so the five of us would pile into Jake's Chevy truck and my Chevelle and drive to La Push beach.

While I always brought my camera, the boys usually occupied themselves by chasing me and Emily around the beach, threatening us with seaweed, riding their dirt bikes-on rare occasion-and eventually they took up surfing. A lot of times though, we would sit and talk and enjoy each other's company. We had bonfires, played our music loud and danced around, laughing. Paul and Embry, being the red blooded teens they were often found themselves flirting with girls who came to the beach and left with their phone numbers. It was fun to see the different reactions from the girls they persuaded. And since Emily and Jake always ended up needing 'privacy' I would end up sitting by myself.

When we first began our beach excursions, it was once a week, every Saturday. Once we had graduated high school, moved out on our own and didn't have to answer to our fathers, we went more often, sometimes everyday and evenings too, especially during the summer months.

Eventually Emily and I went off to our respective colleges and Jake opened up a mechanic shop with Paul and Embry with help from Billy being a silent partner and ponying up funds until they got off the ground. It didn't take long for word to spread and their clientele to build. Billy got his investment back with interest and the boys were happy they didn't have to go to college.

Emily attended college to get her degree in Education; she'd always had a soft spot for children. Growing up, she'd babysit often and always felt comfortable around them. She had been a teacher's assistant at the local elementary school while she attended high school. She felt the pull to mold their minds and help guide them in the right direction.

I enrolled in photo journalism classes and planned to major in it, however after two years, my dad could no longer afford to pay for my education. So, I worked a full time job at the sporting goods store in my small town to try to make up the difference, since I didn't qualify for financial aid, because my dad made too much. Between the six to seven hours I spent at school, three days a week, and the forty hours or more I worked and the heavy homework load, I couldn't keep up. Sleep was a luxury those two years and I burned out quickly. Sadly, I ended up dropping out after only completing my second year.

I stayed with my dad for a few months after having dropped out, until I eventually got a small apartment closer to the beach in La Push. I got a job at a photography studio as an assistant and within a year, after proving myself, I had booked my own traditional wedding jobs. I did studio portraits of babies and children, graduating seniors, engaged couples. I loved my job, but it became monotonous, it lacked creativity. I wanted more freedom to express the personalities of those in my photos.

I got a few freelance jobs outside of the studio, slowly but surely I was able to quit the studio and make decent money with my own clients, and although at times I had to travel, I was much happier. There were some instances I had the traditional weddings, beauty pageants, parades and the carnivals or fairs that were held during the fall months that insisted on the customary photos, but I always tried to shake it up and add my own touch to them if my client was willing.

It was great experience and I enjoyed every minute of it. It all led me to work independently. I began to do engagement parties, graduations, birthdays for people young and old. Thankfully, most of my clients were open to candid photos, different angles, unique outdoor settings and using uncommon backdrops. It fed me, stimulated me.

Here I stood, clutching onto my camera, while Emily stared me down as though I was an uncooperative child.

"Bella?" She put her arms out to her sides questioningly. I looked up from my feet to her waiting face.

"Let's go." She motioned toward the beach where we could already hear Jake yelping and howling as he splashed into the water with his board.

I sighed heavily as I felt my insides twist. I was nervous and couldn't quite understand why. Ok, I knew why and **who** I was nervous about. Carlisle. I was afraid of this unknown feeling. I felt the need to run and hide. Emily grabbed my arm and guided me toward the beach.

"He's cute. I can see why you're so nervous." My head snapped in her direction. Emily had a satisfied smirk on her face that I wanted to just wipe off. "He likes you, Bella," she antagonized.

I huffed, rolling my eyes. "He does not, Emily. Stop it."

"He sooo likes you!" She stopped and turned to look in my eye, but I refused to make eye contact, looking down at the arm of my sleeve, nervously. "What the hell are you so afraid of? The man is here nearly every night you are and when he's not…I see that look in your eyes, you're disappointed! Face it!"

I shrugged her comment off. "He's nice, that's all, and he can be funny." I began to walk toward the beach again, leaving Emily behind. I heard her pounding steps as she ran to catch up.

"If by funny, you mean hot, sweet, and attentive, than hell yeah, he's a fricken riot!" She winked and laughed alone at her joke.

"Ciaus is a sweetie." I looked back at her over my shoulder. She playfully shoved me and I stumbled, nearly falling.

"You know damn well I am not talking about his **DOG**! I'm talking about that piece of man meat, Carlisle." She blinked her eyes rapidly and made a dreamy face.

I shook my head at her, acting like she was deeply in love with a man she had only met a few times in passing. I'd seen her eye fucking him and I admit-to myself and no one else-that it made me jealous. I knew she would never make a move on Carlisle because she loved Jake and they had been together for a long time, but I was internally territorial. _Where did that come from? _I was shocked by my teeter totter of emotions.

Carlisle and I had met accidentally a few weeks before when his dog, Ciaus, plowed me down as he was chasing after a stick. I'd fallen flat on my back in the damp sand, the breath nearly knocked out of me.

When my eyes opened, a worried and apologetic face loomed above mine. He helped me up and apologized repeatedly before he scolded Ciaus, which I told him was unnecessary. He offered, well insisted, I wear his jacket to warm up while we made small talk. I didn't get too comfortable, just letting the jacket hang on my shoulders. He noticed and never said a word. He was very friendly and we chatted for a half hour before Jake sauntered over to make sure everything was ok.

I was grateful, yet disappointed that Jake intervened. I didn't know Carlisle from a guy sitting next to me at a stop light, but he was charming and a gentleman. Ciaus was his right hand man of sorts. I loved seeing him. I always got a sloppy kiss on my face and an old stick dropped at my feet. I wasn't as nervous with Ciaus around.

I never thought I would see either of them again after that first day.

I did though, nearly every evening I went. There were a few nights when they didn't show up and I was secretly disappointed and thought I kept that hidden to myself. Thankfully, I always saw them the next night. I wasn't exactly attracted to him in the romantic sense, but he peaked my curiosity and interest. At first, we would wave from across the beach, eventually getting within speaking distance when Ciaus would run to me with his slobbery stick hanging out of his mouth, asking me silently with his eyes to throw it. I always did and he'd come running back, dropping it at my feet all the while panting. It made me giggle and smile. The first couple times it happened, Carlisle apologized. I shook it off and kept throwing the stick.

That was the first time he asked me to get a cup of coffee with him.

I declined, but thanked him. The thought of leaving with him scared the ever loving shit out of me. A small part of me wanted to go, but the bigger part held back. I wasn't sure how far I wanted this to go. I still didn't know much about him.

I liked the idea of seeing him at the beach with Ciaus as a buffer and my friends not far off playing in the ocean. How odd or uncomfortable would it be to leave my safe spot? This was my sanctuary, to leave it with him? Alone? That would complicate things. I was content with our cordial conversations.

At least I thought I was. The more I saw him, the more I found myself craving our next meeting, my thoughts would wander to him while I was at work or even sometimes when I was making dinner. I was curious about his family, his life. What he was doing at that precise moment. Every time my thoughts strayed, I'd immediately chastise myself. I never told Emily what I felt, but she'd given me knowing glances and began to tease me casually when she and I were alone… like now.

"Emily, could you be any cruder? I mean come on… a piece of meat? Really?" I gave her an incredulous look as she scoffed.

We made our way to the huge rocks that sat off to the left, tucked near the back against a rocky wall, above was where the boys usually cliff dived. It was cloudy, and a little cool, so we wore our hooded sweatshirts to fight off the chill the wind brought with it. The sun peaked through the clouds for a brief moment before being shrouded once again. Emily looked at me and an evil smile spread across her face.

"So, you're telling me that you really don't think Carlisle is hot?" I narrowed my eyes.

"Uh, I, I mean..." I stuttered.

Emily broke out in a fit of laughter. "Oh my God! You do think he's hot! Silly, silly Bella." She squealed.

"Shut up! I do not. I barely know him. I spend more time with Ciaus."

Emily's self righteous tone kind of annoyed me. I couldn't understand her concern, why she felt she had to meddle. Jake whistled, thankfully drawing her attention towards him and away from our intimate bubble. Emily stood, hugging her arms around herself as she watched Jake come towards us. Emily glanced back to me and spoke before Jake was within ear shot.

"He seems like a cool guy, Bella. There's nothing wrong in admitting that to yourself." She looked past me for a second then back to me. "And I can tell by your constant refusal, that you do in fact, at least, think Carlisle is cute."

I shook my head softly. I felt a shiver run down my spine.

"He's cute," I whispered, breaking eye contact with her while I confessed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Emily's smile brighten as I heard someone come up behind me.

"Who's cute?" Carlisle's voice rang out.

I closed my eyes as a realization dawned on me. Emily had known exactly what she was doing. I made a mental note to kick her ass later. I could play it cool. I looked up from my feet to meet Carlisle's smiling eyes.

"Hey," I managed to spit out and smiled back at Carlisle.

"Hi. So, who's cute?" He sat down on the rock next to me, not letting me avoid his question. I looked up at Emily to give her a discreet dirty look just as Jake made his way to the three of us. She ignored me completely.

"Hey, Carlisle! Nice to see you man!"

Carlisle stood and he and Jake did that weird hand shake, fist bump thing that all the guys did. Carlisle sat back down and Jake weaved his arm around Emily's waist, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"You two surfing today?" Carlisle asked, motioning to Emily and Jake with his hand.

Emily rolled her eyes and Jake began to sway the two of them back and forth. They had started dating about three years before. Their relationship was inevitable. As long as I had known them, there'd always been a pull between them. Paul, Embry and I could see it; we made sure to never tease them about it. We thought it was better to hold back and see what transpired. If need be, we decided to intervene.

Luckily, that didn't happen. Paul, Embry, Billy, my dad and myself caught them kissing in my dad's kitchen when we'd all gathered for a Fourth of July barbeque, It was of no surprise for Paul, Embry and myself but my dad and Billy stood shocked. Their eyes are big as saucers, standing frozen in place. It took me holding a can of beer on front of their faces before their eyes snapped back to reality. They shook their heads, stuttering and turned to walk to the backyard and away from the five of us giggling.

Emily and Jake had been together ever since and I waited for the day when he would propose. Just as I knew they'd end up together, I knew he would take the plunge with her soon. They were meant to be.

Jake broke me out of my musings. "Yeah I finally got her to trust me. Today is our first lesson. I have a feeling it won't be long either."

Emily giggled. "I trust you, Jake." She turned her head and kissed him on his temple. "And you're damn right it won't take long...it's a cold mother out there!" she exclaimed.

Jake pulled away from her reluctantly. "Well let's get your wet suit on and I promise we will start earlier from now on, ok, babe?" He kept his hands on her waist as she turned to face him.

Carlisle and I shifted uncomfortably as Jake and Emily kissed each other as though they were the last people on earth. I cleared my throat, but it made no difference. They continued to suck each other's faces. I chuckled, feeling my blush heat my face as I timidly looked at Carlisle.

Carlisle shuffled once again next to me. I looked down at my feet, digging the toe of my shoe into the damp sand. As much as I tried all I could hear was the sound of the ocean and Emily and Jake kissing, which grew louder. I bit my tongue so I wouldn't say anything I'd regret later. I peeked out of the corner of my eye to see Carlisle wringing his hands and looking out toward the ocean, he seemed to be in deep concentration. Poor guy. I **almost** felt bad for him, but it was actually kinda funny. He didn't know Emily and Jake like I did. I could say something like, 'Get a room!' Not that it'd do a lot of good, it would only spur them on. Carlisle though, wasn't in the position or knew them well enough to call them out on their PDA. It was kind of cute to see him like this.

The breeze picked up, making me shiver. I grabbed the strings of my hooded sweatshirt and pulled the hoodie tightly around my face. I couldn't see anything to the right or left of me-just the kissing couple who stood in front of me. _That plan backfired_. I shook my head as I heard Carlisle chuckling.

"Are you cold?" he asked, his chuckling turning into a full on laugh, breaking Emily and Jake out of their heated kiss.

I turned my head to see the most beautiful smile flash across Carlisle's face. I couldn't help but see the light shine in his eyes, the lines that curved around the edges. Carlisle grabbed the strings to the green hooded sweatshirt he wore under his black leather jacket and mocked me by pulling the hood tightly around his face, leaving only his eyes, nose and cheeks in view.

I fell into a fit of giggles as Jake and Emily laughed at the two of us.

"You two look like idiots!" Jake roared.

"Or twins!" Emily exclaimed.

I bent down and grabbed a clump of the damp sand under my feet. Emily immediately saw what I was doing and pulled herself out of Jake's arms.

"Oh! Come on Emily! What are you afraid of?" I threw her earlier words back in her face. I stood, still palming the sand in my hand. It wouldn't clump together in a ball, but I still threatened to chase her down. She hated how it felt when it got between her skin and clothing. She was a few feet away now, bouncing from foot to foot. "It's just sand Emily!" I teased.

Jake eyed the sand in my hand and I could see the light bulb flash above his head. "Give it to me," he whispered. I put the loose clump of sand in his hand and he winked, walking backwards.

"Well, I guess I need to get her surfing lesson underway...I will see you two later," he spoke loud enough for Emily to hear and again winked at the two of us then turned to run after Emily.

I watched him chase her, playfully threatening her. Emily's squeals carried throughout the beach and Jake finally caught her. I turned my head when their kissing turned into a private moment that I felt uncomfortable seeing, even from afar. At least they weren't standing right in front of us this time. I didn't have any idea how to handle that moment again.

I shivered again as another breeze whipped my face. I brought my hands to my mouth to breathe on them, while in between breaths I rubbed them together. It couldn't have been cooler than fifty degrees, which in my opinion isn't too terribly cold by, but the breeze wasn't helping to stop the chills running through my body.

"Do you want my jacket, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

I looked up to see him loosening up his hoodie from his face while he stood up. I caught myself smiling and quickly hid it when I realized he was pulling off his leather jacket to drape over my shoulders.

"Carlisle, you don't…I mean, you'll get cold." I tried to spit the words out before he put the jacket on me, but he wouldn't have it. He sat beside me, his elbows on his knees, leaning forward.

"I tend to run hot blooded." He smiled as my blush heated me from head to toe. Stupid blush! I bit my lip nervously, feeling his gaze on me.

"I think a storm must be coming," I muttered, trying to change the direction of his gaze. Carlisle turned his head to look out toward the sky. It was darkening, almost black in the distance. I half expected to hear thunder or see lightening, but it never came. I watched the clouds roll in and engulf the lighter gray clouds until the whole sky was eventually dark above us.

"Do you like the rain?" His voice sounded different. Deeper. Husky. Intimate.

I cleared my throat and nodded. "Love it."

"You have to, I guess, to live here."

"You don't?" I put my arms in the sleeves of his jacket and pulled it closer to me. The breeze continued to send chills running through my body. I wrapped my arms around myself and a wave of Carlisle's scent surrounded me. Leather. Cut wood. Musk. I tried to inhale more without making it too obvious, the smell alone relaxed me. I wanted more.

"I don't mind it. I'm used to it, although, I'm not a fan of snow." He bent down and grabbed a small rock and rolled it in his hand. "Rain, I can handle. I like to sleep to the sounds of rain. I even have one of those machines that help you sleep you know? What are those things called? It has rainforest, frogs croaking," Carlisle laughed loudly suddenly. "Hell, it even has city sounds, you know, car horns..."

"Who would want to fall asleep to that?" I howled in between laughs.

"I know right?" I looked up to see him watching me, his eyes scanning my face. I wiped the tears from under my eyes. It never failed, every time I laughed, my eyes would tear up. I stiffened as his thumb touched my cheek and wiped away a tear I had missed. "Missed one."

"Thanks," I nervously answered and pulled away slightly. I was at war with myself. One moment, his touch warmed me and shocked me awake. The next it scared me to death. I wanted to run to him and from him in a matter of seconds. I'd had boyfriends before, but none that ever had that affect on me. I never had these kinds of conflicted feelings.

When I first met Carlisle I never thought much of the meeting. I kept myself distant, but cordial and friendly. I didn't have any feelings toward him whatsoever. He was just there. He was friendly, polite, a gentleman. He got along with my friends. He never pushed me to like him, but I could tell he cared what I thought of him. The more I saw him, the more I actually **saw**him. Our conversations weren't deep by any means, but he was growing on me. He had gotten to me, to the point that the last couple visits at the beach, I had found myself blushing at how he would look at me, and certain things he would say. Today? He gave me his jacket, touched my face… he was getting to me.

He was worming his way in to my head and maybe my heart? I couldn't let that happen, could I?

It's not that I didn't want him close to me. The thought had crossed my mind several times, against my better judgment. Reality would then come crashing down on me and I had to wonder if he was really into me. What did he see in me? I wasn't ugly, but I sure as Hell wasn't beautiful.

I brushed a strand of my long hair out of my face and pushed it behind my ear. My brown eyes were just brown; they weren't anything exciting to look at. I was plain. Ordinary. An ex-boyfriend of mine had even mentioned that to me once and although I never took any opinion of his seriously, that one never left me. It was easier to believe the negative rather than the positive.

Sufficed to say, I haven't dated since then.

I kept busy with my work, my photography, my friends, and seeing my dad whenever our schedules matched. Emily and I would work out a couple times a week, too. I didn't have time for anyone else or so I kept telling myself. But, deep down I felt emptiness. Something was missing, but I always dismissed it, pushed it further away from the surface.

Maybe I missed my mom? Maybe it was something else all together?

For once, I yearned to relax, let my walls down and breathe.

"So, is it safe to assume that you haven't always lived here?" I asked as he pulled his thumb away from my heated skin. He looked hurt by my stiffened frame and change of subject.

"Uh yeah. Chicago. I love Chicago." he paused. "It's beautiful here, though." His eyes burned into mine and I felt as if he was trying to say something more, but I must have been imagining it. I mentally slapped myself for having had that thought.

"You lived in Chicago? I have always wanted to go there. When did you move here?"

"My parents and I moved here when I was sixteen. My dad is a doctor and got a job offer he couldn't refuse. So, we moved." He motioned his hands to his surroundings, clicking his tongue.

"Do you ever think about going back to Chicago?"

"Why? You trying to get rid of me?" He teased. I blinked rapidly, not expecting that response.

"No," I whispered, shaking my head.

Carlisle smiled softly. "Good."

We sat in silence for a moment before Carlisle spoke again.

"I don't know. My sister stayed behind to finish college. I have a reason to go…for a visit." He took a deep breath before letting it out. "I feel like something is keeping me here though."

I couldn't stop the small smile that appeared on my lips, although I really did try. Embarrassed, I cleared my throat and looked out to the ocean. Jake and Emily were wrestling with Jake's surf board as the ocean current became stronger. The wind blew harder on our faces and I thought I felt a few drops of rain against my skin, but it was too few and far between for me to be sure. As a precaution, I stuffed my all forgotten camera in the front sweatshirt pocket.

"You feel that?" Carlisle touched his forehead then looked at his finger tips. "I think it's raining," he said, peering up to the sky.

Emily and Jake came running to us. Carlisle stood, dusted off his pants then offered me his hand. I looked between his hand and his face; I wrapped my fingers around his and stood. He was so warm and welcoming.

"You're freezing!" Carlisle hissed. I couldn't help to pull my hand away, becoming unsure of myself. Carlisle kept his hand out in my direction.

"Sorry, I tend to run cold." I joked, getting another beautiful smile in return. Carlisle lowered his hand and stuffed in the front pocket of his hooded sweatshirt to join his other hand.

Emily and Jake joined us, breaking the silence.

"Well that lesson was short!" Jake called out over the sounds of the waves crashing behind them.

"Thank God," Emily managed to say while still trying to catch her breath.

"You must be freezing, Emily!" I shivered, knowing although she had a wetsuit on, she had to feel worse than I did. Jake put his arms around her after he slammed his surf board into the sand, standing.

"I'll take her home and warm her up," he whispered in her ear, although Carlisle and I still heard. It was hard not to.

"Dude! We can hear you!" I chastised. "Too much information, by the way." I put my hands up, trying to block my view of their kissing faces, which only egged them on. I shook my head and turned to Carlisle.

"I guess I'm going to go home. It's kind of late and I'm sure it's going to start raining anytime now."

Carlisle's face fell. "Oh yeah. I should too. I have to be up in..." his voice trailed off as he pulled his left arm out so he could look at his watch. "…about six, seven hours." He raised his eyebrows.

"I didn't mean to keep you. You need to sleep."

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be, Bella." I felt my pulse quicken slightly as I shyly looked away only to meet Emily's arrogant smile. I pulled the hood around my face to block the rain as much as I could as I said good bye to Emily and Jake… and maybe her gaze.

Carlisle offered to help Jake with his surf board, but Jake declined and grabbed it, following us. When we got to the stairs leading to the parking lot, Emily and Jake went the opposite direction of Carlisle and I, but not before Emily discreetly told me to call her by making her hand into the shape of a phone and holding it to her ear. I flipped her off in return, while I stuck my tongue out at her. She walked away laughing, causing Carlisle to give the two of us a confused look.

I suddenly wondered how much of that he saw.

"So, you get up early every day?" I asked while we made our way to our vehicles. Carlisle had parked his Dodge truck one space away from my Chevelle.

"Yeah, I can get by without much sleep. I take after my dad in that respect, I guess." He fished in his pockets and pulled out his keys.

"Your dad, the doctor?" I taunted.

We came to a stop in the empty parking spot between our vehicles.

"Yeah." His voice sounded solemn, so I didn't press the issue. The rain was now coming down steadily around us, but we didn't budge from our stance.

"So..." Carlisle started. I watched him nervously shift his weight from one leg to the other and realized I still had his jacket on.

"Oh! You want your jacket!" I quickly shrugged it off, getting my sweatshirt sleeve stuck as I pulled. Carlisle chuckled as I struggled.

"Here, let me help." He took my wrist in one hand and gently got my sweatshirt untangled. "There you go," he muttered as the jacket was freed and now in his hands.

"Thank you."

A honk rang out, Emily and Jake waved as they passed us. I chuckled and waved. We were now completely alone. The parking lot empty except for my car and his truck.

I watched Carlisle rub the back of his neck, he seemed on edge, quieter than he usually was and staring at the ground, watching his foot lightly splash a puddle between us.

"Well, I don't want to keep you. I guess I'll see you soon?" I queried. He snapped out of his daze and put his hand out to stop me before I turned to get in my car.

"Uh, Bella?"

"Hmmm?" I looked between his hand and the serious expression in his eyes.

"I may not be around the next two weeks. I got a job that's out of town. It's not very often that I have to travel so far, but every now and then..." his voice lowered. He cleared his throat and met my eyes. "It happens. They are short handed and need us to help them complete a job." He snorted.

"Where are you working?"

"Port Angeles."

"Oh." I couldn't help the disappointment that laced my voice. With my head down, I grabbed my keys and turned to unlock my car door so I could pull my camera out of my pocket and put it on the passenger seat. I had been so preoccupied; I should have done it sooner. I gave it a quick once over, deciding it hadn't gotten too wet. When I turned back to face Carlisle I saw that he had taken another step in my direction.

The disappointment I felt surprised me. I didn't spend that much time with him at the beach, but it was something I looked forward to. It was a new development I had just begun to come to terms with and now I had to wrap my head around that and the fact that he wouldn't be showing up. It was inadvertently reinforcing my beliefs. I barely even acknowledged to myself that I may be feeling a tiny bit attached to him and he was going to be gone.

I plastered a fake smile to my face before I spoke. "Well change is good. Port Angeles is a great city."

Carlisle shrugged. "I'm going to miss this." He paused and let out a deep breath. "I'm going to miss the beach." Carlisle took another step closer to me, I could almost feel the heat radiating off him, then he turned to stand next to me, leaning against my car.

"Who's watching Ciaus?" I diverted the conversation to something more lighthearted.

"A neighbor lady, Jane. Ciaus has a dog house in my backyard. All she has to do is make sure he's fed and has clean water. He can get in the garage if need be. She may have to clean up after him in the yard." He chuckled. "I would pay to see that, she isn't the type. Kinda prissy."

I furrowed my brow. Who was this Jane? I felt…jealousy? Jane must be the exact opposite of me if he described her as prissy. Maybe she was one of those feminine types who had weekly appointments to get her hair and nails done. She probably was curvy and flirty, full of confidence. I felt my jealousy spike as the thought of someone like her doing a favor for Carlisle with the hopes of getting closer to him. Earning brownie points. I berated myself for having possessive thoughts about someone I wouldn't even admit out loud that I felt something for. My emotions were all over the place. I was giving myself whiplash.

"That was nice of her," I managed to spit out; however it came out sounding harsher than I intended.

One of Carlisle's eyebrows rose at me in question, and then a slow, knowing smile graced his face. He and Emily could pass as twins with the cocky grins they wore.

"I suppose. It was a last minute thing and my parents are out of town, in Chicago, visiting my sister so… my choices were limited," he explained.

I shrugged, taking notice that the rain had slowed to a mist. Had we been out here in the rain, totally oblivious to our surroundings? I saw Carlisle clutching his jacket in one fist and his keys in the other. The hood of his sweatshirt was wet from the heavier rain just moments ago and was pressed against his chest.

"Yeah, I…"

"I want…"

We both spoke at the same time, than fumbled.

"Go ahead," we both said. I broke out in a giggle. He turned to face me, still leaning against my car. He was staring at down at his clutched hands then suddenly his head snapped up.

"I want to call you while I'm gone. Would you be ok with that? Would you give me your number?"

I must have looked like a fish with my mouth opening and closing in shock. Carlisle put his jacket on the hood of my car and took another step toward me. I studied his face, his expression. He looked nervous, anxious, hopeful, relieved. A part of me was jumping inside with excitement, shaking my pom poms. My heart was beating so hard I was surprised he couldn't see it through my sweatshirt, as close as he was standing to me. Then my insecure, frightened side had to make an appearance and question his motives. I looked down at myself, my clothes, and hair. I was nothing special. I'm sure Jane was gorgeous. Why wasn't he asking her?

"Bella?" he asked.

I shyly looked at him through my lashes. I had an incredible need to take a leap of faith. I had an angel and a devil on each shoulder, both telling me to go for it. It's just a phone number. We're not going out on a date. We're not getting married or having babies, or robbing a bank. It's harmless, just a bunch of numbers on a piece of paper. Nothing could happen. Everything could happen. Both options were thrilling and horrifying.

"Ok, I would love to."

Carlisle grinned from ear to ear. At lightning speed he had a piece of paper out of his jacket pocket and handed it to me. I wrote my number and gave it to him, he handed one back to me with his number. "In case you want to call or text me. Cool?" His eyes danced into mine. I bit my lip, nodding.

"Cool."

Carlisle grabbed his jacket and keys, holding tightly onto the paper that held my phone number. I could feel his eyes on me as I opened my door and got in, starting my car to get the heater going. As the car idled, he walked to my window and motioned for me to roll it down. He squatted, leaning his arms on the ledge.

"Thank you," he said simply.

I didn't know what to say to that. I studied his face and memorized every detail. The side burns that didn't quite reach his earlobe, the two days worth of stubble that covered his jaw, chin and upper lip.

His plump, pink lips that always seemed to be smiling when I looked at him, his slightly crooked and bumpy nose that ended in a soft point. Last but not least, those eyes. I engraved those eyes in my memory as though I would never see them again. The green was rich in color, swirled with a light gray. A color I had never seen before and if I never told another loving soul, it was now my new favorite color.

"Be careful going home." Carlisle stood, one hand still on my door ledge. "I'll call you." he promised as I nodded to him in response.

I watched as he walked to his truck and was just about to roll up my window when he called out my name before he climbed in. I looked up to see him wink.

"So, you're not going to tell me who's cute?"

**Leave me some love 3 I plan to have chapter 4 up the weekend of the 14****th**** :)**

**My MoMo and Eifeltwrfanfic each have wonderful stories you should be reading also.**

**LaMoMo's is Business Class Girl and Eifeltwr's is Second Chances Never Looked So Good. Both are great reads, leave them some love.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here we are again :) I don't really have too much to say this time except I hope you like this chapter as much as I do. I really love writing the banter between Carlisle and Bella. The next chapter I am almost done writing but hope to have to my beta before Monday night so if the update isn't for another 3 weeks, that's my fault. (We're shooting for February 6****th****) Sorry :( I started a new job a week and a half ago and that distracted me, but I am a woman on a mission to get chapter 5 out to you ASAP! Thank you again to my beautiful Eifeltwr (TS), I can never express my gratitude to you! I appreciate the time you put in to fine tuning this for me. Also my talented friend Lindz is making another banner for chapter 5! So when I post that, the banner will be up too! Please review and let me know what you think and thank you all so much for reading *kisses***

**Lost & Found ~ Chapter Four**

I needed a distraction. I had two rolls of film that I decided to develop as a way of keeping my hands and mind busy. I grabbed my cell phone off its charger and my old button-up collared shirt I wore when I developed film. I glanced at my phone to see if I had any missed calls or texts. Nothing. I sighed deeply, before stuffing my phone in my back pocket. I was becoming disappointed with myself for constantly checking my phone. I had become accustomed to hearing from Carlisle regularly since he had gone out of town for work.

I could hear the heavy rain pounding against the roof, which helped calm me. Earlier that morning while I had sat at the kitchen table, nursing a hot cup of coffee, I found myself drifting in and out of my thoughts. My eyes focusing on the rain hitting the window. I had an outdoor engagement photo shoot today, but had rescheduled it due to the weather. So, instead I cleaned my house, top to bottom, hell even the refrigerator and microwave were scrubbed and the cabinets were organized.

I had gotten my morning text from Carlisle, wishing me a good morning and asking what my schedule looked like. That had been hours ago, before the sun had risen or would've been if it hadn't been raining. I had sent him a text him back as soon as I'd awoken at eight and still hadn't heard back from him. His response usually came during his lunch break, and since it was now the afternoon and I still hadn't heard anything from him today was odd. I was so ready to get the day over with, it'd been two weeks since I had actually seen Carlisle and he was finally due back the next day.

I walked into my small bathroom, which also served as my makeshift darkroom. It was cramped and tricky, but it had a sink, so it worked. I currently didn't have the luxury to be choosy. I would rather have used the large area of the kitchen, but the bathroom was the only room that didn't have any windows, therefore it was much easier to convert into a darkroom then a room with a huge bay window.

I grabbed an empty spool and put in one roll of film, as I busied myself laying out the three trays I would need, I grabbed the developer solution as the film pre-soaked in the tank.

I tapped my foot waiting for the timer to go off when I felt a vibration coming from my back pocket making me jump a little and hurriedly dug it out of my pocket, hoping to see Carlisle's name, but was slightly disappointed when I saw my dad's instead.

"Hi Dad." I smiled into the phone.

"Hiya Bella! I had a lull and thought I'd give you a call to see how you've been."

"I'm good, I am actually developing some photos right now."

My dad snorted into the phone. "No offense Bella, but shouldn't you be working?"

My dad obviously forgot that I made my own schedule, which meant that I periodically worked weekends and nights while I had my weekdays off-all of which depended on the job. Don't get me wrong, I always hoped to schedule my jobs to fit around me, but I knew that couldn't always happen and so far I didn't mind the odd hours. It couldn't be helped.

My dad was the sheriff in Forks, so he could understand the meaning of odd hours. He was always on call and a lot of times had to leave during dinner or get up in the middle of the night, and when needed, he also worked the overnight shift. Although, he never seemed to mind. It was his life and he seemed content with it. He took pride in his job.

When he'd get that call, he'd be sorry to have to leave me or my mom, when they were married, but he always had a smile on his face. It was no exaggeration to say he loved his job.

"It's raining today, Dad. I had to cancel my outdoor shoot. You do know developing photos is part of my job description, right?" I teased. I cradled my phone between my shoulder and ear as I took off the cap of the tank and poured the water down the drain. I then began diluting the developer so I could soak the film. "Is it raining there?"

"A little. Not enough to cause any problems, but you know how people get when the weather changes. I'm just waiting for the first call of the day being a fender bender." He chuckled. Forks was a quiet town. He never had any huge cases, it was usually car accidents, rare drunken and disorderly conduct or vandalism in the form of teenagers toilet papering their teacher's homes. The low crime rate always brought relief to me, if he worked in a bigger town or city I'd be an emotional mess with my constant worrying. "So," my dad said, "What do you have planned for your Friday night?"

I grabbed the developing tank and began flipping it, counting silently as I tried to concentrate on doing the two tasks at hand.

"Actually Dad, after I'm done developing these rolls I'll just go through my portfolio. It needs updating. Then, maybe I'll make some dinner or watch a movie. I'll find something to keep myself busy."

I could hear shuffling in the background, a door closing. My dad huffed before he spoke again. "What are the kids doing tonight Bella? Why don't you go hang out with them? I don't like you being by yourself so much."

"Dad, they all have dates. It's no big deal." I put the tank down and stared at everything before me. I felt the sudden urge to stop what I was doing. Dad was right. I was in this house too much. If I wasn't working or at the beach with the gang, I was home. Okay, so I didn't exactly have anywhere to be tonight, but maybe if I bundled up and it had stopped raining I could go for a walk. A drive. The urge to get some fresh air and enjoy the gray weather suddenly overwhelmed me. I could maybe go to the diner and people watch, and have some dinner or get a coffee while I'm there. I began putting the tanks and trays away and was just about to pour the solutions down the drain when I stopped.

Once I started the photo developing process, I couldn't stop. I didn't want to lose all the photos I had.

I decided to finish what I'd started and grabbed the container that held the stop bath.

"That reminds me," Dad started nonchalantly. "I was talking to Billy earlier today and I heard through the grapevine that you've met someone."

_WHAT?_

I am going to kill Jake! Or Emily! Oh Hell, both sounded good right about now. I bit my bottom lip as I racked my brain, trying to decide how to handle this situation with my dad. What do I say? The truth.

_There isn't anything to say. We're friends_, I tried to reason with myself. No, I couldn't even say that, well maybe we were friends...kinda, sorta...oh I'm confusing myself and rambling. I really didn't want to talk about this, especially with my dad.

"Bella? Stop stalling and tell me about this guy."

I let out a deep breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. "There isn't anything to tell!" I said, and quickly realized I came off a little defensive and tried to backtrack quickly. "Dad..."

"So it's true?" He'd cut me off before I even started. I closed my eyes and rubbed the back of my hand across my forehead. Is it possible to will away a conversation? Maybe go back in time and not answer the phone?

"I'm 24 years old, Dad. We're really going to talk about my dating life?" _Or lack thereof,_ I thought. I grabbed the tank with the roll of film inside, pulled it out of the diluted developer and into an empty tank. Once I poured the stop solution in, I waited for my dad to respond. He never did. He knew that would make me uneasy and question myself. I fell for it every time. "There's really nothing to say. We're almost friends, maybe?" I busied myself shaking the tank and timing it every ten seconds.

My phone beeped, alerting me to another call coming in. My hands full and my dad on the line? It'd have to wait. Who would be calling me on a Friday night anyway? It was probably Emily making sure I was okay or seeing if I wanted to tag along with them tonight or…could it be Carlisle? My heart fluttered at the thought.

Is it wrong to want to hang up on your father?

"Dad, I have another call."

"Well it's going to have to wait. We're not done," he said sternly. "You're 'almost' friend excuse? That isn't exactly how Jake describes it."

"Dad...why do you believe the crap that comes out of Jake's mouth? I mean come on, it's Jake!"

The laugh that came out of my dad surprised me. It had been so long since I had heard such a hearty laugh. It brought a smile to my face, yet I knew I wasn't off the hook by any means and I had to get the spotlight off me. Time to turn the tables. "Bella, I'm serious-"

I cut him off this time before he had the chance to lecture me. "So, how's Sue?" Sue Clearwater, Emily's mom and my dad had been friends for years. She made him dinners and would bring them to him in her Tupperware containers, he'd bring them back to her, washed and cleaned. It was a vicious cycle. I knew he liked her and she obviously liked him, but they never took that final step. What held them back? I didn't have a clue. She lived in La Push, while my dad resided in Forks. Distance? It wasn't that far of a drive, but maybe he had been alone for so long, he was used to it. Emily and I had discussed intervening, but in the meantime I would tease my dad. "Have you asked her out yet?" I held back the giggle that threatened to escape my lips.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" he erupted.

I must have hit a nerve. "Oh Dad, full name usage, really?" I knew my dad wasn't really mad at me. I could get away with teasing him, especially on the phone. "Dad, you like her. Ask her out for dinner. Oh, better yet, you should make dinner for her! You know, like a thank you for all the dinners she's made for you." I pulled the phone away from my mouth as I chuckled and put it on speaker phone so I could have my hands free to prepare the trays. "Women love that!" I called out.

"Uh, Bella, it's..." he stuttered.

My phone made another beeping sound, alerting me to a voicemail. I looked away from my photos to see it was Carlisle. I gasped. I could feel my insides warm and flutter at the thought of hearing his voice. I put my hand over my mouth to hold in the squeal, dropping the tongs I held instead.

"You alright?" My dad's voice brought me back to reality.

"Uh, yeah, Dad. I'm good. Promise."

"Alright, so back to this guy, what's his name?"

"I got to go, Dad," I called out as I slid a piece of paper into the developer tray.

"Bella, don't you hang up on me!" he threatened. "Come on, first and last name-just let me do a background check!" I laughed out loud at my dad's antics.

"Goodbye Dad!"

"Bye, Bella. Love you," he resigned.

I hit the end call button and picked it up with my free hand while I watched the photo develop in front of me. It was five o'clock now, a few hours later than when Carlisle usually called on his lunch break. I wonder what had happened. I called my voicemail, and typed in my password.

"You have one new voicemail, to listen to your voicemail, press one now." I did, my finger shaking the whole time.

"Hi, Bella," Carlisle's sincere, gentle voice warmed my heart. "Sorry I didn't call sooner. We worked through our lunch today so we could leave at a decent hour. I'm getting some dinner with the guys and then I would like to talk to you." He paused before his voice dropped. "I missed talking to you today." He cleared his throat. I heard other men's voices in the background. "Are...will you be at the beach tomorrow? I would like to see you, if you're not busy." He sighed before he spoke again. "Alright, the guys are coming, I better go. I'll talk to you later tonight. Bye." The phone clicked, ending the voicemail. I immediately saved it and listened to it again, before deciding to call him back and see if I could catch him. It went straight to voicemail, and now it was my turn to leave a message.

The last two weeks Carlisle had been gone had gotten me to thinking, well contemplating. At first we had texted casually, asking how each other's days had been. Every morning I had a text telling me to have a good day and every night I had a text telling me to sleep well. As each day went by, our texts became more and more frequent. We told each other the little things of our days, like what we had eaten for lunch, our jobs, weather, jokes or stories from our days. Without thinking of how he would react, I had asked him when he was coming home on more than one occasion. Each time, he's answer with 'Why? Do you miss me?'

Of course I never admitted to him that I did, I was having a hard enough time admitting it to myself. Instead I'd answered him with a different sarcastic reply every time. It was easier to tease, or dare I say flirt through texting. I didn't have his intense gaze or my embarrassing blush to contend with.

In an odd way, this separation opened up our lines of communication. It brought us to the next step.

A week into texting each other, he had asked if I would be willing to speak on the phone. When I received that text it felt like my phone was burning in my hand. I was so apprehensive. My body shook with nerves as I read the text over and over. I was being ridiculous! I had spoken to him for over a month now in person. When we'd see each other at the beach, I was still fearful yet I felt awakened in his presence. I found a part of me dearly missing his voice and I had so much I wanted to say, to ask.

Just silly things like, I wanted to hear him sigh, laugh, cough, click his tongue...his tongue…After I replied yes to his text, we pretty much talked every night before bed. During the day, we'd text as much as we could while at our jobs and during our daily routines, even leaving voicemails if we had something to say that ended up being too much to text.

Even on the occasion our days were busy and we didn't get the chance to text much, we had an unspoken commitment to speak on the phone every night, always around the time we'd usually be at the beach and it always lasted until we were in bed, and nearly falling asleep.

It had become the favorite part of my day.

We spoke for hours about our families. I told him about my parents, their life before, during and after the divorce. How I had grown up in Forks when my parents were married, and lived with my mom in Arizona after they divorced, then moved back to Forks with my dad when my mom had remarried. I didn't go into great detail of how I felt about it, but he knew I had no siblings, a stepfather, Phil and a baseball loving sheriff for a dad who wouldn't ask out a family friend he was obviously crushing on.

Carlisle's dad, Peter was a pediatrician at Seattle's Children's Hospital. His mother, Charlotte was a successful interior designer. They'd met through mutual friends of friends while they were both in their respective colleges. They dated for a year before eloping, which didn't exactly make their parents happy. It had been rough on them, living in a one bedroom, rundown apartment, and eating Ramon noodles, but seeing as they were still happily married thirty five years later, I couldn't see how it mattered. To me, it sounded awfully romantic in an unconventional way and totally worth it. I even expressed that to Carlisle, who teased me about being a hopeless romantic and an optimist.

Carlisle was very comfortable teasing me about anything and everything.

Within two years of their marriage, Carlisle's sister, Esme had been born and he was born three years later. The first few years were hard on his parents with their new careers. They were both determined to be successful, with their careers and their babies. Of course their parents eventually came around when they fell in love with their grandbabies and helped them in every way they could. Peter and Charlotte soon found a balance that let them enjoy their family lives and their professional ones.

As difficult as it all sounded, I still felt envious. No matter how Carlisle told the story of his parents' careers, their love lives and his childhood, I still romanticized it. Maybe I was naïve, but they'd stuck together no matter what. I was a bit jealous that Carlisle had grown up around such a wonderful example of unconditional love. His parents were thrown curveballs and had to maneuver around roadblocks, but they'd stuck together through it all.

I knew my parents were better off as distant friends, although I wondered what it might have been if they tried harder or if they'd been in love enough to try harder.

Carlisle's sister, Esme had stayed in Chicago when he and his parents moved to Washington so she could finish her education. During her last year of college, she'd met Alec and they dated for a while. Unlike her parents, Alec and Esme decided to finish school and establish their careers before they got married. Esme had a successful position at an ad agency and Alec was an ER doctor at the University of Chicago Hospital.

Carlisle told me that in the eleven years since he moved from Chicago, he didn't go back very often. At 17, he had a hard time adjusting to a new school and it being his senior year with a new class of students, new state, missing his sister on top of all that, it had been a rough year on him. He and his parents usually traveled every Christmas to visit Esme and Alec. That was until Esme had given birth almost two years ago and they tried to increase their visits to more than once a year. Carlisle admitted that he hadn't been back to Chicago since last Christmas, six months prior, his parents had gone just gotten back the day before from their most recent trip. Charlotte couldn't bear to be away from her grandson for too long. She continually begged Esme and Alec to move to Washington so they were closer.

While Carlisle couldn't get away as often as his parents, he spoke to his sister as much as his time permitted. They had been pretty close growing up so he felt some guilt about their physical distance and not seeing his nephew as often and did what he could to make up for it.

The timer buzzed, snapping me out of my thoughts and I realized the photos had been sitting too long. I pulled the photo out of the developer and submerged it into the stop solution while I added a new one to the developer tray. I kept my hands and mind as busy as I could in the hour it took to finish developing the rolls and hang them in the drying racks.

My mind wandered to the new things I'd learned of Carlisle and his family, and how easy he shared it all with me and while I told him about my past, I still kept a lot from him. I felt safe that I hadn't opened up to him, yet I was beginning to feel remorseful. He'd opened up with no expectations. And the more I learned of him the more I found myself wanting to tell him more. A strange feeling rippled through me. Trust. At least the need to trust. Sure it was easier to stay quiet and hold back. That was a guarantee of keeping things the way they were and how they had always been. But was I happy in my current situation? Did I really want to keep going down that same path? Carlisle didn't put pressure on me to say more than I felt comfortable divulging. For that I was grateful and it made me realize how patient he was to let me go at my own pace.

The need to want to unleash my feelings, my insecurities, my inner ramblings and all my secrets to him overwhelmed me. Although I felt that, I knew I had to be careful not to scare him off. I was becoming quite attached to him. I never wanted to admit it to myself or had the guts to feel at ease with that thought until he had been away the last two weeks. Though I spoke and texted him every day, it wasn't the same.

I missed him. The thought swam through me, they drowned me.

My body jumped inside with tremors of excitement as I thought of seeing him again.

I wiped my hands on a towel and checked my cell phone to see no missed calls or texts. I had hoped he would return my call, but it had only been an hour, he was probably still eating with his buddies.

I cleaned up the bathroom and put all my photography supplies away, but left the drying racks up.

When I finished, I grabbed my portfolio out of my bedroom and headed to the kitchen to get some coffee.

I sat at the kitchen table and flipped through the first few pages and decided to replace a few of the photos with new ones. I had multiple photos of the beach and decided I needed to include more outdoor photos from other areas as well to help showcase my different ranges. I thought I'd find a children's playground, scout some houses-lived in and abandoned-take a hike to the mountains and get the rocks, the moss, the greenery, the waterfalls and the rivers, the forest early in the morning before the fog lifted. I was tantalizing myself with all the possibilities. I snatched up a nearby pen and paper and began to scribble notes of items I'd need, where to go to take the shots I desired and what times of the day would work best for lighting.

I put the photos I had pulled from the portfolio and placed them into a file folder when my stomach growled. I stacked everything up, leaving it on the table. I decided to save myself the trouble of cooking and cleaning up for only myself and headed to the diner for dinner. I locked up my house and pocketed my cell phone, keys and cash. I slipped my sunglasses on as I headed out the door.

The fifteen minute walk from my house to the diner was uneventful except since I had new inspiration for my portfolio, my senses felt heightened as I became more aware of the sights and sounds before me.

I made mental notes of the homes I walked by, the architecture of each one, one had a 1953 cherry red Chevy truck parked in front of it. I knew Jake, Paul and Embry would cream themselves over it if they saw it. The lush green trees loomed overhead as I walked closer to my destination, every now and then the breeze would blow and left over rain water from the tree leaves would sprinkle my face. I made my way to the parking lot of the beach and saw half dozen cars there. I scanned quickly to be sure none of them belonged to anyone I knew.

They didn't.

Alright, so I hoped they had, but I knew it wasn't probable. I leaned against the railing and stared out at the waves crashing, and the birds flying overhead. I watched a group of teenagers in a huddle, laughing and dancing and hugging each other. Some girls giggling in each other's ears as their eyes lingered on the boys just a few feet away.

On the opposite side of the beach, young parents and their baby were sitting in triangle rolling a soft, plastic ball back and forth to each other. The parents clapped excitedly when each time the baby giggled and playfully pushed the ball back.

An older couple were sitting on the bench not a few feet below where I was standing, holding hands. I watched as the elderly gentleman brought their clasped hands to his mouth, and kissed the outside of her hand softly.

I smiled slightly and glanced away from them, feeling as if I was intruding on their moment. I continued to people watch, and listened to the screams, giggles, loving conversations. My mind wandered to Carlisle and what he was doing at that moment. I wondered if he was tired, happy, if he was ready to come home, or if he missed Ciaus. If he missed…me?

How would we react to seeing each other again after so long? Would it be awkward? Would we pick up where we left off? Could we possibly be closer? I felt closer to him, but it was all through text messaging and phone conversations. Looking him in the eye and being so close to him physically was a whole other predicament. I knew I would be shy at first. Would I shake his hand? Hug him? Maybe I could give him a lighthearted punch on the shoulder? I laughed at myself, took a deep breath and let it out at the crazy thoughts running through my head. I pulled out my phone and checked for a voicemail or text but saw nothing, so I stuffed it back into my pocket.

I pushed myself away from the railing when a deafening growl from behind me caught my attention. I turned to see a motorcycle pulling up to a stop a few feet away. I didn't know much about motorcycles except what little Jake, Paul and Embry had taught me, but I knew a Harley when I saw one.

Black cast aluminum disc wheels, satin chrome muffler, the gas tank was a flat black with the silver Harley Davidson wing emblem on the side. The seats were made of black leather and made to ride two people, even though the seats were pretty small.

The man set the kickstand and turned the motor off, instantly quieting my surroundings although the sounds of the beach and its visitors could still be heard. I watched as he pulled off his fingerless leather gloves and set them on the black gas tank in front of him. I looked back towards the beach and walked along the railing. I pushed my sunglasses up my nose and glanced back one last time as I made my escape.

I didn't want to stare but I felt a pull and couldn't tear my eyes away, so instead I hid behind my sunglasses and pulled the rubber band from my hair causing a curtain of hair to hide my face so I wasn't caught sneaking a glance.

The stranger on the motorcycle was undoing the helmet strap under his chin when he tilted his head up for better access and looked up in my direction. I swiftly turned my head forward and decided to make my way to the next set of stairs that led down to the beach. I almost made it, too, when I heard a familiar voice call out.

"You come here often?" I froze with my leg in mid-step, my hand gripped the railing. Carlisle. The excitement ripped through my body, the smile that exploded on my face was undeniable. I was ecstatic to know he was here. He was merely five, six feet behind me. As much as every cell in my traitor body was telling me to turn and jump him and hold him close, my brain won out. I moved to look in his direction and peered out over my sunglasses to see him pulling off the beanie helmet to reveal his deep brown hair pressed flat to his head, slightly damp from sweat.

I tried to hide the small smile I held for him but as soon as he made eye contact with me and flashed his genuine smile in my direction, I cracked. I felt my face and neck heat in blush and was grateful at least for the sunglasses I wore to partially hide my emotions.

"You know this isn't a bar, right?" I wisecracked.

Carlisle ran his hands through his disheveled hair and grinned. "Well," he motioned to the older couple I had been observing earlier. "I don't know, Bella. That guy right there is putting the moves on that poor unsuspecting lady." He lowered his voice to a whisper and cupped his hand over his mouth. "I bet she goes home with him," he teased.

I pursed my lips to try and hold back my giggle. I wasn't giving in to him that easily, well, he wasn't going to know it.

"Wow! I must say Carlisle, you really know how to read people," I poked fun.

"I do."

"You're back early." I pried.

"Surprise." He grinned.

His gaze held mine for a brief moment before he looked down to the helmet and gloves sitting in front of him. If I wasn't mistaken, I thought I saw a vulnerability flash before he put on a charming smile.

"So," I motioned to his bike. "You ride a Harley."

Carlisle blushed. _Wait! Carlisle blushed?_

He nodded with a shy smile. "I do. You like it? Want a ride?"

I took a couple steps closer to him until my hand was resting on one of the handle bars, I glanced at the opposite handlebar to see a second helmet hanging from its strap. "I don't know. It doesn't exactly look like a two person friendly ride." I pushed my sunglasses up to sit on top of my head, pushing my hair out of my face.

Carlisle's eyes ran from my hands on my sunglasses and down my face before they rested on my eyes again. I never felt more exposed as I did right at that moment. I cleared my throat unintentionally, snapping myself and Carlisle out of our trances, Carlisle blinked. He turned to his left and patted the leather seat behind him. "See? It's made for two. Come on, Bella, it'll be fun."

When I chuckled but made no other verbal response, Carlisle continued. "So, Bella, I've noticed that you've turned me down each time I've asked you out for coffee-I'm wounded by the way-" he said with a light smile, pointing at me, mockingly. "but, uh, each time you brush me off. Why is that?"

"I don't brush you off!" I scoffed, furrowing my eyebrows. Okay, so yeah I did brush him off. Regularly. I still couldn't figure out how he could have any genuine interest in me. I mean, this was me. Stand me next to any female who passed us by and I was sure to be described as plain or ordinary as compared to them.

For instance, Emily had beautiful tanned skin as compared to my white, milky pale skin. Her long black silky hair was gorgeous while mine was brown with a few hints of red, mine didn't shine and bounce naturally as much as hers did. I didn't have her curvy body, I wasn't athletic, I got nervous easily around others. I was shy.

This obviously wasn't about Emily alone. I had awful self esteem. I compared myself to others on a regular basis. The only time I never chastised myself was with my photography. That I was 100% sure of. But being close to someone? Fully trusting them? And believing in myself? Not so much.

I tapped my fingers against the handlebar before I pulled them away to cross my arms over my chest.

I peeked at Carlisle through my lashes to see him smile and looking at the ocean.

Carlisle took a deep breath and let out a long sigh. I thought for sure I had upset him or discouraged him. I couldn't help the fear that washed over me at the prospect of being close to him or even alone with him, but in the same beat it excited me in a way I had never felt before and I wanted to explain myself. I had to do something fast. Just as I opened my mouth to say…who knows what, Carlisle spoke. "Come have coffee with me." He turned back to me. "Now." He leaned forward, motioning to the seat behind him.

Oh shit, Carlisle giving me a ride on his Harley? Any moisture in my mouth immediately went between my legs as my mouth dried and my heartbeat sped up.

"Bossy much?" I cocked an eyebrow, trying to hide my smile. "It's kinda late for coffee. You'll be up all night..." _What. The. Hell. Was. I. Doing? _I mentally berated myself.

"See? Brush off," Carlisle replied, smugly. His gaze burned into mine.

"I'm not brushing you off."

"You're not?" Carlisle looked...hopeful? "One cup." He held his index finger up.

I drank in his appearance from head to toe. His hair was still damp and flattened from sweating while wearing his helmet. His eyes were beaming, even though he was giving me grief the whole time. He had his black round sunglasses hanging off the neck of his green t-shirt. The black leather jacket, worn denim jeans and black motorcycle boots completed his look. He looked absolutely gorgeous and right at home on his Harley. When my eyes made their way back to his face, a self satisfied smirk sat on his lips. "What are you afraid of? Invite your friends." He winked.

_Holy Hell._

"They're all on dates."

Carlisle raised his eyebrows suggestively. "It's just you and me then," he breathed. It was a statement, not a question. He shuffled on the bike, raised himself off the seat and handed me the extra helmet.

I pulled my gaze from his and spun the helmet between my hands. I knew I was going to hop on that bike, wrap my arms around him and let the walls down, at least for tonight. I had to see where this may lead. I was done being afraid. I was done denying myself a friend, if nothing else because of my irrational fears. He had given me no reasons to be fearful of him and every reason to take this step forward. It's just coffee, a bike ride.

What if I put my foot in my mouth? Make a bad joke? Stutter? Laugh too loud? Oh God, I snort when I laugh too hard! I already laughed so hard I cried in front of him. Worse yet, what if I clammed up and said nothing? I'm sure I was going to bore him to death and never hear from him again.

"Carlisle," I bit my lip nervously. "Why is this so important to you?"

Carlisle picked up one of his fingerless black leather gloves and began to pull it on his left hand. "It just is. I like spending time with you, talking to you. I'm not exactly secretive about it. Why do you **not** want to go with me? I know you like me." He baited me again with a wink. I knew he was speaking in all seriousness, but trying to put me at ease with his playful tone. "I don't know about you, but the last two weeks I missed seeing you..." he paused and gulped. "…but I was damn happy to hear from you every day. I had the impression that you felt the same."

He held my stare. I saw nothing but sincerity and a twitch of nervous energy. He had put himself out there for me. All I had to do was take a few steps forward and hop on. It was just coffee. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't. But I would have tried. No harm. No foul. I decided to throw my hat in the ring and play his game.

"Well maybe, I'm just being nice."

Carlisle's eyes rested on the helmet in my hands before slowly running up my body. He nodded once and gave me a crooked, half smile. "You like me, Bella. Admit it." He raised his eyebrows.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, yet couldn't stop the red that colored my face or my tell tale look in my eyes. I would give nearly anything to hide my emotions better.

My parents had always told me I was an open book and couldn't lie to save my life. From the expression on Carlisle's face, I think he figured it out too. No more hiding.

"One condition." I took the last couple steps toward him until I was standing close enough to feel the heat radiating off him.

"What's that?" He licked his lips.

"I'm starving. Add a meal to that coffee and you got yourself a deal."

"Okay. I accept that condition, but I have one of my own."

I bit the side of my lip and unhooked the straps of the helmet so I could put it on. "Mmm hmm...what's that?" I took my sunglasses off my head and put the helmet on, raising my chin to hook the strap underneath. Carlisle put his right hand out to give me some assistance in climbing onto the back seat. Even with the leather gloves on, I could feel the warmth his large hands brought to mine. I could feel the calluses on his fingers, his rough against my soft.

"Let me take you on a proper date tomorrow." I situated myself behind him and set my free hand, holding my sunglasses on my left thigh. My heart beat frantically not only at his words but the fact that I was so physically close to him that my thighs pressed closely to his, our hands still clutching one another's. Carlisle lowered our hands to his waist and he pulled my hand around him to sit against his stomach, effectively pulling my body flush against his back. I was certain he could feel my wildly beating heart pounding against his back. He squeezed my hand and linked our fingers together.

I closed my eyes, loving the feel of my body encircling his. "Hmm..." I hummed in contentment before I could control it. I squeezed my eyes shut, thankful I was behind Carlisle so I could die of embarrassment away from his watchful eyes. I leaned my head against his back, and then turned my cheek to rest on him.

"You're not going to answer me, are you?" he whispered when he pulled his hand away. I thought I had upset him, but he secured his helmet to his head and looked back at me from the corner of his eye. He stared at my hand on my thigh and took it in his to wrap around his waist. I reveled in his unique scent and his hand holding mine. "Well, Bella, I'm going to take your hum as a yes," his voice sang.

"Stop teasing me," I said into his back as it shook from his stifled laugh.

"I wouldn't dream of it. But you know if you had said no…I would've changed your mind."

"Yeah right." I pulled my hand away to put my sunglasses on my face. Carlisle's back stiffened, but when my arms went back around him and my hands rested above the waist of his jeans, he relaxed. His hands went to the handlebars of his motorcycle. The engine roared as he kicked at the kickstand and held us up with his legs. The vibration from the bike shook through our bodies, excitement ran from the tip of my toes to my scalp. I had never been on a motorcycle before and the fact that I was sharing this with Carlisle…made my body felt like it was on overload. Carlisle looked back at me, the sight of him with his sunglasses, leather jacket, and helmet...he was the whole package. How had I not seen that before? And why did I waste so much time running away from him?

"Bella?" he called over the engine.

"Yeah?" I tightened my grip and felt his stomach muscles clench underneath my hands.

"Hang on tight."


	5. Chapter 5

**Yes I am back...sorry it took a little bit longer then expected but work has been crazy, got caught up in a snow storm & eifeltwr is fuckin' slow (hehe... eifeltwr's opinion anyway!) ;) Time for me to gush, I really do appreciate all those who are reading and reviewing and alerting. You truly make my day. I would love to hear what you guys think so don't be shy and leave me some love!~ My girl Lindz has made another banner for me for this chapter so go to my profile and follow the link to my FB page. It's gorgeous! Thanks Lindz and my bff and TS, Eifeltwr thanks for everything :-) I love you girls sooo much!~**

**Also Lindz has a one shot I think you all should read, it's wonderful!~ Look for it, Lindz26 "The Mistake" Leave her love! xo**

**I hope you all love this chapter as much as I do :-) I am shooting for the next update to be March 12****th**** but I will do my damnest for it to be sooner. Thanks again for reading!~**

The next day, Carlisle advised me to wear comfortable clothes that I wouldn't mind getting dirty in, a jacket, in case I got chilly, and comfortable shoes. I tried making a few guesses as to where we could be spending the day, but Carlisle refused to tell me what he had planned. Nonetheless, I was excited. By the gleam that appeared in his eyes each time he refused to tell me, I could tell he was just as excited. He had mentioned that I could bring my camera if I wished, so I sprinted to the living room to retrieve it and stuffed it in my small backpack along with my keys, sunglasses, wallet and cell phone. I glanced around to make sure I didn't need anything else but felt clueless. How was I supposed to know what to bring if I didn't know what I would need. Carlisle was due to be here any minute, even if I called him I knew he wouldn't budge.

I didn't usually like the element of surprise, I preferred to know what was coming. Change was hard on me. It never seemed to go my way or it disappointed me. Yet, today I had a good feeling about this surprise. I won't lie, fright ran through me and I normally would have run in the other direction and hide, but today felt different.

I was slowly starting to realize that Carlisle was bringing out the best in me. I smiled at the realization.

My phone rang, ripping me from my thoughts. I looked at the caller ID. Carlisle. I couldn't help the glee that sounded in my voice when I answered.

"Hi!" _I really had to rein it in_, I thought.

"Hi." Carlisle's husky voice soothed me through the earpiece.

"Hi." Oh, My God! I slapped my hand on my forehead, could I be a bigger dork?

"Hi." He chuckled. "I'm almost there. You about ready for your surprise?"

"I think so. It would really help if I knew what we're doing or where we're going…" I hinted.

"Oh Bella..." Carlisle sighed, the way my name escaped his lips made my insides quiver. "Where's the fun in that? You've waited this long, you can wait a few more minutes." He paused. "I promise I won't disappoint you."

My breath hitched. No, no, he wouldn't. "No, I don't expect you will." I managed to squeak out. This man already had me quivering, tongue tied and fighting for air and I haven't set eyes on him.

We both stayed silent for a moment, the only sounds between us was our breathing and his truck engine bellowing in the background as he drove.

"Well, you're about to find out. I just pulled up," Carlisle said, breaking the silence.

I walked to the front door and peeked out the glass to see his truck pull to a stop in the parking lot. I could tell he had cleaned it up since I'd seen it last, he'd also taken the wood planks and huge tool box out of the bed of his truck, washed it, possibly waxed it too, the rims gleamed. I knew it was an older Dodge, at least a 2004, but he obviously took great care of it. I could see his smiling face looking thru the passenger window, the phone still plastered to his ear.

I bit the corner of my lip nervously, as my heart pulsed and goose-bumps tickled my arms. This is the moment where I can change it all. This is it. As my stomach turned and every negative thought threatened to overtake me and remind me of the new and unknown, I couldn't pay much attention to those feelings. Don't get me wrong, I was fully aware of them. I was petrified and was certain I was going to lose my breakfast, but in the same beat something felt right about this moment.

I was supposed to be here, in this moment, at this exact time.

A wave of content washed over me as I stepped away from the door just long enough to grab my small backpack. I confidently opened the front door, stepped through entryway and pulled the door closed behind me. Our phones were still pressed to our ears as our eyes met.

"I'm coming Carlisle." I giggled into the phone. I could tell that he was watching every step I made.

Our eyes connect as he jumped out of his truck. I watched his smile light up his face while he made his way to me. "Hi," he continued to speak into the phone.

I shook my head, still giggling. "Hi." He held his phone out and hung it up as did I.

"Hi." Carlisle stopped a few feet in front of me. I appraised him in his dark denim jeans that hugged his him in all the right places, his leather belt, white and blue faded, tight fitting Ford t-shirt. This man could wear a garbage bag and a pylon cone on his head as a hat and make it look sexy as hell. I looked to his t-shirt covered chest and over his shoulder to his truck then back again.

"What?" He furrowed his eyebrows in curiosity and confusion.

"Umm… do you think it's funny that you're wearing a Ford shirt while driving a Dodge?" I pointed between him and his truck. He turned to look behind him and back to me.

"I have a Harley shirt too." He winked. "I'll have to wear that for you sometime." His eyes left mine only long enough to take in my appearance. I felt his gaze run down my body and back up again until his eyes met mine once again. "You look beautiful."

My face warmed as I broke eye contact to hide my tell tale expression.

"Thanks," I answered timidly.

"You ready to go? I have a whole day planned out for us." He clapped his hands, rubbing them together with a mischievous grin on his face.

"No hint, huh?" I jabbed and started walking along side him to his truck.

"Nope. I am an awesome secret keeper. I cannot be persuaded." He opened the passenger door of his truck for me and held my hand as I climbed in. It sat a good two, maybe three feet off the ground. I was used to climbing in and out of Jake's truck and didn't really need the help but was touched that Carlisle felt the need to help anyway.

"Anyone can be bought," I joked.

"Only if the price is right and I'm costly." I had to laugh at his confidence as I got myself situated and watched him jog around the front of his truck and hop in with ease. "Sorry about the truck, I didn't think the Harley would work for what we're doing today," he said as he started the engine.

"And that would be?" I had to try.

He clicked his tongue and winked again. "None of your business."

I huffed as he pulled out of the parking space and away from the lot, all the while chuckling at my constant insistence.

I was surprised when Carlisle took a lot of back roads to our destination instead of the main roads and highways. It took a little over an hour, but the ride went smoothly. It was a gorgeous day, the gray clouds were thinning, letting the sun shine through, the trees shadowed us as we drove down the small two way road and up curvy hills. It was gorgeous, serene. I had my camera out more times than I figured was polite, but Carlisle waved me off and insisted I do as I please.

I had taken my digital 35MM with me this time, unknown as to what our plans were beforehand, so it provided me convenience as I wouldn't have to reload constantly. I must have taken fifty shots or more in a half hours time, much to Carlisle's amusement.

Our conversation flowed. He asked me more about my parents, how often we talked and had visits, where my favorite place to live is, Arizona or Washington. I vote Washington, hands down. We touched the subject of my mom and I told him stories of when I was younger and it was just me and her and the slumber parties we'd had. We would stay up until our eyes forced themselves closed, watching our guilty pleasure movies, pigging out, painting each others nails, doing facials and giving ourselves impromptu makeovers.

He drank in my stories with interest, which shocked me. I didn't feel it was all that intriguing, but he never faltered in asking questions or teasing me at the appropriate times. When he asked what we considered to be guilty pleasure movies, I clammed up. He continued to pry but I wouldn't give in this time, playing his own game. Although I did offer to tell him one movie if I got a clue as to where we were driving to, but true to his word, he couldn't be bought. He promised he would find it out though.

We talked about our spur of the moment dinner from the previous night. Instead of going down the road, straight to the diner for dinner, he drove us around the surrounding neighborhoods and downtown area for almost an hour.

We drove by the small police department, Jake's garage, the La Push lodge where a lot of the weddings and bigger parties were held if the weather didn't cooperate for outdoor occasions, which happened more often than not. Carlisle began to drive us out of town on a worn older black highway, which was beautiful that time of evening, especially with the sun turned orange as it dropped behind the tree tops.

At that moment I felt my body tense. I was unsure of what he was up to or where he was taking me and as much as I hated to admit it, it filled me with dread.

In Carlisle fashion, he sensed it, pulled the motorcycle over to the side of the road and turned it around to take us back into town.

He never mentioned anything about my little freak out, except when we arrived to the diner, he teased about getting some food in me before I withered away. The rest of the evening went well and we talked and ate. He had even dared me to take a menu. I told him he was crazy and he said I didn't have any guts. So, I managed to stuff one in the back of my jeans just as the waitresses nonchalantly pushed us out the door while Carlisle failed at hiding his chuckles at my stealing underneath their noses. By the time he dropped me off at my apartment, it was nearing ten and I was ready to lay down. I eventually fell asleep an hour later with my phone to my ear while Carlisle and I continued our conversation, making plans for today. Well, he made plans. I was left to wonder about my surprise.

The truck pulled to a stop and Carlisle's voice brought me out of my musings. "We're here." He rested his hands on the steering wheel, looking out his front windshield at the sight before him. I pulled my eyes away from him and saw the most beautiful and majestic landscaping.

There was a blacktop trail that lead to the woods, but before you even got the natural beauty of the trees, moss, rocks, little wild animals, there was a makeshift courtyard type area with rocks and deep red leafy plants, the rocks that resembled a stairway and lead to a stage that over looked a picnic area where a few couples and a family had congregated.

With my mouth agape, I undid my seat belt and opened my door, hopping out. I wasn't aware of anything except the sights and sounds that enveloped me. Behind us stood a log cabin which according to Carlisle had a restaurant and also served as a hotel. Carlisle watched as I surveyed it, promising to take me in there to investigate and check out its interior. He vowed it was just as beautiful inside as everything was outside.

"So, you want to take a walk and look around? It's gorgeous up here and I thought you would find the scenery stimulating." A grin plastered my face. I wanted to hop up and down, cheer and throw myself at him, asking how he knew that this was perfect? I had wanted a change of scenery for my portfolio and it was like he knew exactly what I needed. What I wanted. We were on the same wavelength.

"Yes!" I clapped, showing my excitement which brought an ear to ear smile to his face. Carlisle grabbed his backpack as I grabbed mine, we met at the tailgate of his truck, our hands bumped and our pinkies linked. I looked down at our fingers, loving the feel of it and the simple look of it. His fingers wrapped around my hand and I grabbed onto his without a second thought.

We walked along the path for a few minutes before I broke our comfortable silence. "How did you find this place?" I pushed the backpack on my shoulder when it began to slide down my arm. Carlisle smiled like he was remembering an old memory.

"It's been a while since I've been here, but when my parents and I moved here, the high school had a field trip and I almost didn't go. I wasn't exactly in the mood or cared about some stupid field trip with people I didn't know, but my mom insisted." He looked down at our still linked hands and playfully swung them between us. "I fell in love with it here. I mean, what's not to love?" His other free hand raised around us, motioning to the trees that stood tall, the moss covered rocks, the birds chirping. I caught a rabbit out of the corner of my eye jumping away. It was truly serene, beautiful and relaxing.

I couldn't thank Carlisle enough for having put so much thought into this day. I never had anyone do something so kind hearted for me. Sure, my parents had birthday parties for me when I was younger, but when I hit my teens the parties dissipated and when my parents divorced, it just became part of the norm.

Up until I moved in with my dad, he always sent me birthday cards and presents and my mom always coordinated with him. He would buy a pricey gift card and she provided the purse it came wrapped in. I'm not really big on presents or being the center of attention, so it was never a huge production. That may be why parties and the such ended as I got older.

At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite, it still hurt my feelings. It was like I'd been forgotten. So I always insisted on no parties, no presents, I didn't want to trouble anyone.

"Hey." Carlisle nudged my hip with our connected hands. "Where are you?" He raised his eyebrows once.

"I'm here." I smiled and rubbed my thumb on the rough skin of his hand. "I was just thinking."

"About?"

I took a deep breath, letting it out before I spoke. My shy side was about to rear its ugly head. I watched our feet step in-sync as we made our way deep into the forest, the high trees shadowing on the walkway and blocking the glaring sun from us. "Um, I was just thinking…" I paused, nervously.

Carlisle squeezed my hand in silent support. I met his encouraging eyes and finally spoke when my heart calmed. All because of that look.

"I was thinking that no one has ever done anything so thoughtful, like this," I nodded to our surroundings. "I mean, you put a lot into this. How did you know I would love it? It was exactly what I needed and you knew! How did you know that?" I gulped. I felt silly for rambling and repeating myself, but he made me say, do and feel the most incredible things that I came to realize I couldn't control.

Carlisle shrugged. "You do like it?" His eyes hopeful.

I shook my head playfully at him and in a rush before I could answer, Carlisle pulled me to him quickly, hugging me to him, but yelling over my head at a bicyclist rushing by. "Watch where you're going!" he yelled angrily.

I froze as my cheek rested against his chest, my hand still clutching his tightly, my free hand clinging to his shirt on the side near where his love handles should have been, but I couldn't feel anything but solid muscle. I licked my lips and took a moment to inhale his scent.

"Stupid ass-" Carlisle stopped in mid-sentence and I felt his eyes peering down on me. "Are you okay? I didn't mean…"

"I...I'm alright." I loosened my grip on his shirt, yet I tightened my grip on our joined hands. "It all just happened so fast. It startled me."

"I'm sorry. I couldn't let him run you over and it was my fault, I should have paid closer attention." His free hand rubbed up and down my arm in a reassuring manner.

"It's not your fault, but thank you. That could have been a disaster." I huffed. Carlisle dropped his hand from my shoulder and pulled away slightly, our fingers still linked together.

"Okay, get that camera out!" He started to jog and pull me with him. "I got lots to show you before we run out of daylight." I ran behind him, giggling the whole way at his playful change of demeanor.

How did he do that? One minute he had me desperate for breath, willing to get lost in him and what he does to me. What he had erupted in me. He had so many sides of his personality, yet they were all the same. The end result, was always a goofy ass smile covering my face and a blush that no matter how hard I tried, always exposed exactly what I felt and he saw it right away. Every single time. Although he teased me about every other thing, he seemed just as happy with how things were developing between us as I was.

Carlisle showed me where the walkway broke off into smaller paths which lead into multiple directions. One lead back to where we had parked and to the log cabin, where he had said we would have dinner before we left. He was just as excited to see my reaction to the interior of the log cabin as he was to my seeing everything outside.

Another walkway lead to a campsite where two sets of families were pitching tents and unloading their SUV's. Another direction lead deep into the forest but it was chained off with a DO NOT TRESPASS sign and I was quite alright with that. The last walkway, Carlisle seemed extremely excited to show me. He had the silliest, almost childlike grin on his face as he gently pulled me out of the corner of the trees and into the clearing that revealed one of the most beautiful sights I've ever been lucky enough to see.

A small, secluded area with minimal dirt patches peeking through the grass. A picnic table sat in the middle. An unlit fire-pit was to the right, surrounded by rocks. The trees we'd just come out from under loomed to the left and out, casting a slight shade over the area. I walked by the picnic table, dropping my small backpack on it. I felt Carlisle's hand slip from mine as I walked to the rickety wood fence that overlooked the beach down below. The waves crashed loudly and echoed up to where I stood. Across the way, the tree covered cliffs stood taller than the fenced off cliff we stood looking out from.

I was rendered speechless.

"What do you think?" Carlisle's breathed out in a whisper. I could feel his lips brush my hair and ear, causing goose-bumps to cover every single inch of my skin. My breath caught.

"There aren't words to describe its beauty." My voice cracked.

Carlisle took a step forward to stand beside me, his hand slipping back into mine, intertwining our fingers. His palm flat against mine, warming me. "You're absolutely right." I looked to our hands and then up to him. His gaze wasn't on the ocean or the cliffs, but right on me.

"Thank you," I breathed. His free hand reached out to move a piece of hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. My skin tingled as his finger tips softly traced the shell of my ear.

"You're welcome." I felt that traitorous blush heat my cheeks and knew when Carlisle winked that he noticed it too. His hand dropped and I pointed to my bag.

"I'm going to take some pictures. This...I can't let this moment slip by. I may not have this chance again." I released his hand, looking over my shoulder as I walked toward the table to my backpack.

"Hey, have you ever brou-" I suddenly felt my foot slide on a stray piece of driftwood. I tried, oh how I tried, to stop the loss of control I felt while gravity pulled me down on all fours, feeling a pain in the palms of my hands and my right knee. _God, kill me now._ I wished.

I winced and let my hair fall to hide my face. I could feel my eyes welling up with tears. Yes, my knee and palms hurt, but my ego was severely bruised and I felt...embarrassed didn't even begin to cover it. I sniffled and felt Carlisle's hand on my back in an instant.

"Oh shit. Are you okay, Bella?"

"Yeah." I tried to push myself up but hissed when I felt the pain shoot through my palms.

Carlisle's other arm went around my waist and pulled me up to his chest. I quickly wiped the tears with the back of my hand before he could see. He turned me to face him, grabbing my hands, palms up and examining them.

"Are you sure, Bella? That was a nasty fall."

"You saw it all, huh? Every play by play?" I asked in a disgusted tone.

"Bella, stop it." He lowered himself to my eye level. I looked at him, bashfully. "Sit. I'm going to take care of you." He walked me backwards slowly until the back of my knees hit the bench and he grabbed me by the sides of my waist, sitting me on the table portion of the picnic table, leaving my feet to rest on the bench.

I watched as he pulled his backpack to him and took out a bottle of water, bandages, antibiotic ointment and a small spray bottle and laid it all out beside my hip on the table.

"Were you expecting this?" I tried to tease.

He cocked an eyebrow at me, and then looked down at my knee. The fall had torn a huge hole and blood had already begun to stain the denim. His hands held onto my knee, he tried to pull the torn material away but he wasn't satisfied. "I'm going to have to tear these or um... you think you can pull the pant leg up past your knee?" He cleared his throat and pulled his hands away.

"Carlisle, its fine, I can doctor it up when I get home later."

Carlisle shook his head. "I don't mind. We need to clean it up so it doesn't get infected."

I nodded and pulled the denim up to my thigh to reveal my pasty white leg and bloodied knee. Carlisle's hand hovered over it for a moment before he snapped his attention to my face. "It may sting a little."

I gulped. I was a pansy when it came to pain. My tolerance level was extremely low. As soon as Carlisle put his right hand under my knee, I kicked and giggled, then immediately hissed in pain. Carlisle's face contorted in confusion then concern. I waved him off. "Sorry, when I moved it it hurt. I'm just a baby. I'm not very good with pain."

Carlisle promised to be more careful and began to tend to my knee. I studied him as he avoided the back of my knee, but rested his other hand on my calf. He blotted my injury with an antibacterial wipe, spraying some medicine and then blew on it at the same time to ease the sting. It still hurt, but I bit my bottom lip to refrain my cries. Every time his breath caressed my knee, goose-bumps traveled down to my toes and up my thighs to my rapidly heating center. I tried to close my legs as much as possible without being obvious but he was right there, a handsome obstacle keeping my legs slightly open.

His touch was tender as he patted the ointment on and wrapped a white gauge bandage around my knee. His finger lingered under my knee, making me giggle and him wink in my direction.

Every now and again he would squeeze my calf, his face so close to my legs, the look of concentration on his face drew me in. The way his eyes scrunched, his lips pursed. I wanted to run my hands through his hair and feel if it was as soft and silky as it looked. He was so close, yet so far. It took every ounce of my control to keep my breathing regulated and play it cool.

"So, you're ticklish?" A crooked smile appeared.

"Hmphh, no." I lied. He ran his hand slowly around my knee until he was barely touching the back of it, making me squirm and my skin goose-pimple. I stiffed my giggle, Carlisle wore a proud look on his face.

"Liar."

"Cheater."

His eyebrows raised in mock shock. He shook his head, moving his attention back to the task at hand. His hand rested on the top of my knee as he looked back to meet my gaze. "It's all fixed. It'll hurt for a while but keep it clean and covered for a couple days." His eyes looked to my hands sitting palms up on my lap. "Let me see your hands." He pointed.

I held them out to him and he started cleaning up the scraps and blowing on them. His mouth made an O and was only an inch or so from my skin making every nerve in my body stand on end. I held my breath again until he was done and my hands were clean and resting in his palms, his thumbs rubbing my pulse points on my wrists.

"You have a soothing touch," I said before I realized what came out. _Did I really say that?_ I bit the corner of my lip then quickly let it go as I felt his leg brush my calf as he scooted closer.

"You really think so?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

I couldn't form a sentence. I nodded shyly. I felt the need to be close to him grow profusely. His touch was so warm, caring and inviting. It affected my body. It set me on fire, inside and out. I found myself yearning to be near him, hear his voice, feel his touch, taste his kiss. My eyes fixed on his plump lips. _I bet they are soft._ I couldn't seem to be satisfied even while he was right in front of me.

It was not just the physical need. I wanted to know all about him. I somewhat knew about his family, but I wanted to know more. I wanted to see them for myself. I wanted to watch them interact together. Why hadn't I asked his favorite color? What was the first thing he did when he walked in the door after getting home from work? Totally random bits of information, but my brain was a sponge. I observed his thumbs move back and forth on my skin, drinking in the sight before me.

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen," I teased.

His jaw clenched and his shoulders squared but his hands continued to hold mine and rub softly.

"That's my dad," he huffed, but let out a smile that didn't reach his eyes, which seemed to be avoiding mine.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle. I didn't mean…" I trailed off.

"Why?" he interrupted and finally met my eyes with his light gaze.

"Um," I cleared my throat. "You seemed uncomfortable."

"Well, I guess I was. It's a touchy subject." He let go of my hands, but was on the table sitting next to me in seconds. My hands left feeling cold, already missing his touch. "My dad wanted me to follow in his footsteps and be a doctor, but I went my own way and got into architecture."

I nodded and took his hand with mine, encouraging him to tell me more. "I see."

"Yeah, he is a great man, a great dad. Awesome actually, but now and then he makes comments. I know I disappoint him. I just couldn't get into a lifelong career that my heart wasn't into."

"I understand. You shouldn't let anyone guide your life. You have to do what makes you happy. Although, you're a natural. You took wonderful care of me just now and I would be so lucky to have you as my doctor." I nudged his shoulder with mine.

Carlisle's body shook with laughter, he looked at me from the corner of his eye. "It had everything to do with the patient. She brings out the best in me."

I could feel the apples of my cheek rise. "So, you got your degree?"

"I do have it. I had a good job, just starting after I graduated and everything was going great. I had a lot of opportunities or so I thought. The company had to downsize and since I was one of the last hired, I was let go. I got the job I have now, thankfully from a friend at that company." He rubbed his hand along the back of his neck and looked out at the ocean waves. "I've had this construction job for the last few years. I like it, I'm grateful for it, but I would like to get back into architecture."

"You can do anything you set your mind to, Carlisle."

I leaned my shoulder on his and stared up at him. His eyes not looking anywhere but my lips, and me looking at his. _Do it!_ I screamed to myself. A bird squawked and I pulled away, licking my lips, wishing it was his tongue and not mine.

"I believe you if you say so." He stood, putting his hand out for me to take and I did without pause.

"Let's go get you something to eat and you can check out the log cabin. I bet you will love it. There are these huge windows looking into the forest and the biggest fireplace in the center, oh and the staircase..." he spit words out describing the interior and I heard every one he said, but all I could do was admire his excitement and the hyper calm that he radiated when he spoke of the log cabin. I knew it peaked his architecture interests. I felt awful about him being in a job that didn't truly call to him, but I was determined to help him in any way I could, if he'd let me.

"Would you like to come in for some coffee?" I asked quietly as he turned off the truck engine. The atmosphere between us felt heated, almost full of tension, but not uncomfortable or unwanted. Dinner was wonderful. We had a great time, we never had a lull in conversation, he pointed out the details of the log cabin. The walls were painted in a terra cota color with stone frames around the doorways. Sconces on the walls, and candles at each table left the dining area dimly lit and romantic with a feeling of warmth.

The fireplace in the middle of the restaurant was indeed huge, Carlisle hadn't been kidding on that one. It was made of gray, black and white stone and stood as tall as the forty foot ceiling. The light wood mantel piece on the fireplace matched the dining tables. The fire burned loudly, crackling. Not only did it sound beautiful and relaxing, it looked graceful.

I couldn't decide what was more entertaining to study, the log cabin itself or Carlisle taking in every inch. We sat off to ourselves but had a wonderful view of everything he wanted to share with me. Come to find out there was another two floors above us which held the rooms to stay overnight in if you so choose. Since he had shown such care earlier when I hurt myself I couldn't get the thought of kissing him out of my mind.

I could have easily have just leaned forward while he was so close and just pressed my mouth to his but I got scared. I hated when I over-analyzed things.

I felt his eyes on me and then his hand as he moved it off the steering wheel and onto my hand. "Decaf, right?" he teased.

I shook my head, smacking his arm before he jumped out of the truck, jogging around it while the rain that had started falling on our way home wetting his t-shirt. He was at the passenger door before I could blink. I threw my small backpack on my shoulder when I felt his hand on the side of my knee where he bandaged it earlier.

"I thought you may want help getting out since my truck sits up so high?" his voice trailed. I gulped and nodded quietly.

"Yes please, it's still kind of sore."

He licked his lips and looked slightly uncomfortable for a split second like I was made of glass and he was afraid of breaking me. He put one arm under my knees gently and the other around my back and lifted me to his chest.

_Oh My God._ He smelled so good, he was so warm, so gentle. So Carlisle. He calmed me and excited me all at once. I had one arm around his neck for balance and the other on my lap, my fingers touching and discreetly pulling at his shirt. I wanted to run my hand along his stomach muscles, up his chest, to his neck and jaw...my eyes ran along the path my thoughts desired as I studied him.

He wasn't the white collar type whatsoever, he was rugged and tough. His hands may be covered in calluses and dirt, but they were soft and warm. I have yet to see him in anything but jeans, a t-shirt, leather jacket or sweatshirt. He smelled of cut wood and musk, wore flannels sometimes, drank beer, preferred steak or a cheeseburger, and had an occasional cigarette. He was himself. He was comfortable in his own skin. No one made him doubt himself or his choices, even his own father. He felt guilty he couldn't be what his dad wanted, but he was happy with his talents and choices. He had no regrets in life except that he expected more of himself. He never held his tongue, but wasn't disrespectful to others with his opinion or of them having theirs.

A quiet sigh escaped my lips as I drank him in, the truck door slammed by way of him kicking it, waking me from my thoughts and my dreamy gaze.

Carlisle's grip tightened around me as he walked us to my front door. "You can put me down, I can walk now, silly." He began swaying me back and forth soothingly with a confident smile. I almost expected him to start humming a lullaby. It felt so relaxing.

"Yeah. I could." He kept walking until we hit the top of the stairs leading to my front door. The next door neighbor's dog yipped at us as we walked by causing the older neighbor lady to come to her screen door to investigate. When she saw Carlisle carrying me, her curious face turned to concern and she immediately opened her door.

"Miss Bella, are you okay, my dear?"

Mrs. Cope was your typical, slightly nosy neighbor but was very sweet. She lost her husband last year and it just left her and her small dog, Aro. She always kept her front door open nightly, I assumed to make sure I arrived home safely from the beach.

"Oh, hi, Mrs. Cope." I smiled warmly and waved.

She relaxed against the door frame and yet still cautiously eyed Carlisle. I glanced and saw her clutching her phone in her hand, barely hiding it behind her. I chuckled to myself at her attempt to protect me. "Hi. Are you hurt?" She cut to the chase and opened her screen to take a tentative step in our direction.

"We went hiking and Bella took a spill. It's not too bad. I'm just being overprotective." Carlisle spoke in his charming tone, his thumb caressing my leg near my knee, sending me into quiet giggles. He had remembered my ticklish spot. I wiggled in his arms and playfully punched his stomach with my left hand and he winked at me, totally un-phased.

Mrs. Cope reluctantly smiled as she observed our interaction than caught herself and turned a doubtful eye to Carlisle.

"I've never seen you around here before. And you would be?" She pursed her lips in a tight line.

Carlisle cleared his throat and turned his head slightly in my direction, the wink he gave me would have made me weak in the knees if I was standing. "Hi Mrs. Cope. I'm Carlisle. Carlisle Cullen." He shifted toward her to shake her hand, but realized he would have to put me down. I wiggled in his arms and he reluctantly set me on my feet. He took a step towards Mrs. Cope, shaking her hand then kissing her knuckles. The look on her face convinced me he had charmed her much in the same way he had done to me. Carlisle stepped back to stand next to me. "It's nice to meet you." He nodded once.

Mrs. Cope stuttered and waved us off. "Oh no my dear, the pleasure is all mine." She looked between the two of us and took a step into her apartment. "Well, I don't want to keep you kids, you take care of her." She raised her eyebrows in our direction, wiggling her finger.

I wanted to hide my face so I could blush in private but it was too late, Carlisle was already aware. I caught his stare from the corner of my eye. I shook my head, eyes closed. "I will take care of her." His husky voice warmed me inside and out as he spoke to my neighbor, while his eyes remained looking at me.

When I met his gaze I couldn't decipher the look that was reflected back at me. That one little sentence with the deep, meaningful look he was giving me made me regret not kissing him earlier. To feel him under my touch, my lips touching his, my hands in his hair and holding his face to mine. I yearned for nothing more than to drink him in.

I shook myself out of my daze to see a beaming Mrs. Cope. "Have a good night Mrs. Cope." I grasped her hand, squeezing it then hobbled toward my door. Carlisle nodded to her and said good night then raced to meet me at my side.

"She's really nice."

"Yeah. She's a very sweet lady." I said as I pulled my keys out to unlock my door and inviting him in. He shook his head, insisting I go inside first. "You always this charming?" I quirked my eyebrows in his direction.

"Uh," Carlisle chortled out a sigh. "I was just brought up that way, I guess." He shrugged. I giggled.

"Are you embarrassed?" I opened my mouth then closed it to bite on my bottom lip. My eyes as big as saucers, a smile fighting to be freed. I threw my small backpack on the kitchen counter with my keys as Carlisle leaned his back against the counter with his hands on each side of his hips.

"I don't get embarrassed," he expressed smugly.

I snorted. "Yeah right." I held the palm of my hand up to his face as I walked to the cupboard next to him to grab us a couple coffee mugs.

"I don't!"

"I bet if I spoke to your mom or sister they'd tell me a different story." I stuck out my tongue quickly then went back to making coffee. I held up the sugar and powdered creamer. "Do you need these? How do you take your coffee?"

"Just sugar."

I nodded and put the creamer back in the cupboard. As I poured the water into the coffee maker and set the timer to go off when it was ready, I felt his eyes on me. I didn't even look at him and busied myself getting spoons out and looking through a different cabinet for a pastry of some kind.

"So, you seriously never get embarrassed? Ever?" I looked at him pointedly, giving up the pastry hunt.

Carlisle clicked his tongue and shook his head. "Nope. Sorry to disappoint you."

"Mmmhmm." I didn't believe him for a second. I was determined to get to the bottom of Carlisle Cullen. He had to have a bad date, a failed public play, a humiliating story of some sort.

A new sense of bravery overcame me. "So, if Mrs. Cope was to..." I paused to make my point and walked in front of him to grab his cheeks and pinch playfully. "...pinch your cheeks and call you the most charming, adorable man she's ever seen, you wouldn't be embarrassed?" I stood between his slightly open legs and playfully continued to squeeze his cheeks and rock his head back and forth.

"Mrs. Cope?" he asked seriously. I blinked, when his hands moved into my view and rested lightly on my hands. His stare burned into me, willing me to lose my breath. I stopped rocking his head and tried to pull my hands away from his face but he held them there. "Well, if it was Mrs. Cope...I just may. You know how she affects me." He teased, although in a very serious tone.

"You guys have that in common then, I mean, you obviously affect her," I stuttered, delighted in his touch.

Our erratic breathing became the only sound between us.

"You think so? I'm going to tell you a secret, Bella. I haven't been able to get her off my mind since I met her." He chuckled, closing the space between us. My mind reeled at his scent circling me. His soulful eyes were speaking volumes. His tongue darted out, licking his bottom lip, making my senses heighten to every movement he made. He ran one hand down my arm and up to my shoulder until it was resting on my neck, his thumb caressing my jaw.

"I'm sure she's willing to share her affections between you and Aro," I breathed.

I gulped and inched my way even closer toward him. My body pressed against him, my chest thumping against his. My eyes darted to his tongue and back to his eyes again. Carlisle chuckled and leaned closer as I closed my eyes and relied on my other senses to guide me to his lips. As soon as his lips touched mine, my body sparked alive. Fireworks exploded, my body trembled, my hands moved off his cheeks to grip his hair near the nap of his neck and pull him closer to me, but I couldn't get close enough to him.

His lips curved into a smile against mine then he took my top lip between his, kissing, sucking. His taste was like nothing I have ever experienced, a mixture of sweetness and beer. He tasted delicious. His prickly stubble rubbed my skin, tickling me. His hand lightly pressed against my jaw holding my face to his while his other hand trailed down to my waist, wrapping around it and pulling me even closer, if that was even possible.

My mouth became an entity of its own and pulled his lower lip into my kiss. I never realized how starved I was for him, how much I wanted to kiss him. The closeness. The warmth. The heat. The energy. The feeling he stirred in me was immeasurable and I knew for a fact I would never feel this with anyone else.

I opened my mouth to deepen the kiss when my hand moved down to pull on the material of his shirt around his waist but my hand slipped in all the commotion and I hit one of the coffee mugs off the counter top, smashing it to pieces and prying us apart.

My chest heaved as I pulled my eyes away from him and stared at the broken pieces on the floor. Scattered, sharp pieces lay scattered amongst our feet.

The sight spoke to me sadly and my fears of rejection and intimacy suddenly came barreling back. It reminded me of all things that can be broken. It saddened me. I bent down in a hurry, ignoring the pain in my knee and began to pick up the broken pieces, all while not saying a word to Carlisle.

"Bella." He squatted down next to me and reached out to take my hand, but I pulled away.

I gulped, trying to get a hold of myself and my sudden emotions.

"I shouldn't have..." I stopped. I couldn't finish that sentence. I did not regret that kiss for the world. I still felt him on my lips, the tingle remained, his taste. "I'm sorry, Carlisle." Was all I could manage.

Carlisle moved his hand away from me to rest on his bent knee. "I don't... I don't know what to say Bella except I would do it all again." His deep husky words brought me out of my fog, rearing my gaze in his direction to meet his sincere eyes. "You can't take it away from me."

I shook my head and opened my mouth to speak but Carlisle spoke before I did.

"I'm keeping the kiss." He leaned his head to mine and kissed my forehead. "I'll lock the door on my way out." He stood, leaving me with my mouth open, looking after him. What was he doing? Where was he going? I tried to speak but my throat dried and only inaudible sounds escaped. Carlisle stood at my front door with his hand on the knob. "I'll call you tonight when I get home, if that's okay?" he asked.

I nodded, still bent down, holding the broken mug in my hands. Carlisle nodded once and walked out the door.

_Move Bella! Get up! Stop him! Don't let him walk away!_ I dropped the pieces to my feet and stood, walking in a daze to the door. I looked through the glass door and saw Carlisle walking to his truck in the rain.

His shoulders slumped, his head down, his hand gripping his now damp hair, then falling to his side. He looked defeated. I swung open my front door and took a few guarded steps until I was at the railing that lead to the stairway overlooking the parking lot and courtyard.

Any pain I felt in my knee was forgotten as I raced down the steps as quickly as I could to catch him before he left. I had to make him understand. I had to make him see.

He is the one that made me understand. He made me see that I had closed myself off to others. I thought I had been doing the right thing, keeping my heart safe, keeping myself from being hurt, but all I was doing was denying myself. I was the one hurting myself. He had been so patient and thoughtful. He had actually taken the time to get to know me and never pressured me to tell him more than I felt ready to. He never pushed me to touch him physically. He became my friend, a true friend and never expected me to give more than I could. He made me laugh, he made me think, he protected me.

He made me feel alive.

The way he looked at me alone, no words could ever replace that. When he looked at me, I knew what he was saying to me. We didn't need words to tell an inside joke or have a small conversation. One eyebrow quirk, a certain smile always said it all. One look and I knew how he felt about me. He felt the way I did, at least he wasn't afraid to show it.

As soon as I got to the courtyard, huffing and puffing, trying to catch my breath, he was just unlocking his truck door to get inside.

"Carlisle!" I managed to squeak, but figured he didn't hear me. His hand on the door handle paused and his head turned so I could see his profile. Did he hear me? I took a few more steps in his direction, the steady rain soaking my hair, the shoulders of my shirt, my feet soaked through my shoes and socks from running and splashing in the puddles.

I was shivering and covered in goose-bumps and knew it had nothing to do with the weather. I was running on pure adrenaline, my surroundings haven't fully affected me yet.

Carlisle stood only ten feet away, still frozen in place. "Carlisle." My hands clenched nervously at my sides. He turned fully to face me with a peaceful smile that reached his eyes.

I swallowed nervously, getting up the nerve to spill what my brain and heart was screaming inside. "Don't go."

With each step I took toward him, a piece of the wall I had built through the years broke off and crumbled at my feet. I could feel the tides turning, the world spinning on its axis. I could feel the shift in the air between us and nothing would ever be the same again. There was a tangible tension. It was exciting. It was scary. Nothing could stop it. Not even myself.

It felt like everything was slow motion as he pocketed his keys and took a few long strides, meeting me step for step until he was a foot away from me. His beauty, charm and elegance numbed me, but I couldn't stop the words or my actions.

"Don't go, Carlisle. Stay. Please." I felt my eyes well up with tears. My emotions were up and down, the fright and excitement playing tug-of-war within me.

He was so still, so quiet. I realized that I could go for broke or run for the hills. I unclenched my fists and took the final step toward him so I was pressed against him, my hand clenching his damp t-shirt as I pulled him to me and into a searing kiss. It started slow, full of emotion but deep. It quickly became rushed, desperate, our tongues found each other and lashed back and forth, fighting for dominance but never giving in. Our breathing became erratic, my chest heaved as I felt his hands move around my waist and his fingertips barely touch the skin under the waistline of my jeans. His touch tickled and sparked me all at once, I couldn't get close enough to him. I wanted more. I wanted Carlisle. My libido was calling all the shots, but I knew I had to stop…eventually.

My fingers traced along his jaw and softly scratching his stubble under my fingertips. Our kiss began to slow, but it still held our shared urgency. Carlisle's free hand covered my own, still clutching his shirt and squeezed.

"Bella," he exhaled between our lips.

"Mmmmm..." I continued to kiss him. Once I started, I couldn't find it in me to stop. I felt his smile as he pecked my lips back. I felt his forehead on mine, I opened my eyes when I saw his greenish gray eyes smiling.

"What?" I whispered and pulled back a little.

"I just want to look at you." His lips ghosted mine as he spoke. I felt absolutely giddy to be in this position. For the first time in a long time, contentment washed through me. I could taste his breath on my lips as he spoke, sending flutters to the pit of my stomach. His hand still covered mine, still clinging tightly to his shirt. I pulled him closer to me by a fraction of an inch, his hand now grazing the swell of my breast but I didn't care. Just as my lips inched closer to his, he spoke before he took my lips again with his. "My beautiful Bella."


	6. Author Note

Hey guys,

I really do hate to fake you out with an update alert, but I am not updating right now. I'm not giving up on this story either. I have a lot of ideas, I know what I want to happen and how it will end, but I have a lot of things going on in RL that need my attention and frankly I can't concentrate enough to write right now. I'm sorry for those of you who do read and I hope to be back soon, but I can't give this story the attention it deserves and I could try to push out chapters, however I'm sure that I wouldn't be happy with them and I really can't bring myself to write. I am not in the right frame of mind. For this I apologize.

A friend of mine, Nolan, was in a car accident a little over a week ago and is still currently in ICU. I ask you can keep him and his family in your thoughts and prayers. For this, I will always be indebted to you.

Thank you… xoxo


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